kaydeefalls: rose/ten outside TARDIS, looking up into the sky (infinite possibilities)
[personal profile] kaydeefalls
Dreamwidth informed me that my paid account is going to expire this week. Then it occurred to me to wonder how long it had been since I'd even looked at DW. Or LJ. Tumblr I hit up occasionally, because it's easier to spend a few minutes browsing pretty pictures than catching up on actual people's lives.

I missed signing up for both Festivids and Yuletide. I'm actually really bummed about missing the Yuletide deadline. I've participated every single year since its inception. I feel like a part of me has died somehow now.

I haven't written a word of fic since last year's Yuletide. I haven't poked at a vid since March. I haven't felt engaged with any fandom whatsoever in months and months, not even the ones I still care about (like MCU -- I am still watching the movies, at least, though I've dropped all the TV shows). I think it's related to my job, because I can pretty clearly trace the death of my inner creativity to starting this job almost two years ago. Which is a shitty thing to say, since I do like many aspects of my job, and it does engage that part of my brain pretty thoroughly. Just not in a fun way, and I'm starting to really resent the trade-off. I think I lost something pretty crucial to my sense of self, there, and I don't know how to reclaim it.

I'm not unhappy. In most ways, my life is actually going really great. And I wouldn't mind losing fandom so much if I were still feeling creatively fulfilled in other ways. I'm just...not. And it's hard to feel like I stepped out of a community and the door just sort of shut behind me and nobody really noticed or cared, but I know that's the self-pity talking.

On the plus side, I'm getting married apparently? Which is a bizarre concept. Basically a person said "HEY I LIKE YOU LET'S HANG OUT UNTIL ONE OF US DIES" and I was like "...sounds legit." So, you know, that's a thing. Fuck weddings, though, weddings are bullshit and stressful and I want nothing to do with them. We're just gonna throw a party on a mountain and hope people don't notice the part where we don't actually have any kind of public ceremony.

She likes reading my fanfiction. She's pretty pissed that I haven't written anything new lately, too. So the not-writing thing really isn't her fault.

I guess I'm gonna let the paid account expire quietly. It's not like I need the extra icons when I'm not posting anything. I'm gonna miss my custom mood theme, though.

Catch you later.
From:
Anonymous
OpenID
Identity URL: 
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

If you are unable to use this captcha for any reason, please contact us by email at support@dreamwidth.org


 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
kaydeefalls

March 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415 161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 23rd, 2017 10:23 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios