kaydeefalls: rose/ten outside TARDIS, looking up into the sky (infinite possibilities)
Dreamwidth informed me that my paid account is going to expire this week. Then it occurred to me to wonder how long it had been since I'd even looked at DW. Or LJ. Tumblr I hit up occasionally, because it's easier to spend a few minutes browsing pretty pictures than catching up on actual people's lives.

I missed signing up for both Festivids and Yuletide. I'm actually really bummed about missing the Yuletide deadline. I've participated every single year since its inception. I feel like a part of me has died somehow now.

I haven't written a word of fic since last year's Yuletide. I haven't poked at a vid since March. I haven't felt engaged with any fandom whatsoever in months and months, not even the ones I still care about (like MCU -- I am still watching the movies, at least, though I've dropped all the TV shows). I think it's related to my job, because I can pretty clearly trace the death of my inner creativity to starting this job almost two years ago. Which is a shitty thing to say, since I do like many aspects of my job, and it does engage that part of my brain pretty thoroughly. Just not in a fun way, and I'm starting to really resent the trade-off. I think I lost something pretty crucial to my sense of self, there, and I don't know how to reclaim it.

I'm not unhappy. In most ways, my life is actually going really great. And I wouldn't mind losing fandom so much if I were still feeling creatively fulfilled in other ways. I'm just...not. And it's hard to feel like I stepped out of a community and the door just sort of shut behind me and nobody really noticed or cared, but I know that's the self-pity talking.

On the plus side, I'm getting married apparently? Which is a bizarre concept. Basically a person said "HEY I LIKE YOU LET'S HANG OUT UNTIL ONE OF US DIES" and I was like "...sounds legit." So, you know, that's a thing. Fuck weddings, though, weddings are bullshit and stressful and I want nothing to do with them. We're just gonna throw a party on a mountain and hope people don't notice the part where we don't actually have any kind of public ceremony.

She likes reading my fanfiction. She's pretty pissed that I haven't written anything new lately, too. So the not-writing thing really isn't her fault.

I guess I'm gonna let the paid account expire quietly. It's not like I need the extra icons when I'm not posting anything. I'm gonna miss my custom mood theme, though.

Catch you later.
kaydeefalls: abbie studies casefile (abbie mills)
Ok, so I've basically been on an extended fandom hiatus lately. Haven't written or vidded anything in months (though I occasionally poke at a couple of WIPs), am reading fic primarily from my old fandoms rather than anything current (Star Trek reboot and Merlin have both been prominently featured in my reading list lately), only check DW/LJ once a week and Tumblr even less frequently. Between work, Gay Geeks, and navigating a new relationship, my real life has been...busy. (Yes, the girlfriend thing is official, and she's even spent a weekend with my parents now. So there's that. Getting serious happens a lot quicker when you've already been friends for a couple of years, apparently.)

Still not sure when I'm gonna get back in the swing of things. (I'd really thought that the Man From UNCLE movie would kick me back into gear, because it hit a lot of my fannish buttons in truly delightful ways, but apparently not.) But hey, with the fall comes the beginning of the TV season, so, y'know, maybe it's time. Doctor Who is not doing it for me much, still, though I <3 Missy. However, I just watched the season premieres of both Sleepy Hollow and Agents of SHIELD, and I am SO INTO THEM.

Sleepy Hollow - very minor spoilers )

SHIELD - again, spoilers )

So that's where I'm at. I do miss writing, but I feel like I drain all my creative energies at work, and there's just nothing left when I get home. It's frustrating, because work is not the kind of creative that leaves me feeling fulfilled in any way, but...there it goes. While I was struggling a bit last fall, too, I don't think it's a coincidence that I started this job in January and haven't posted a single fic since. I just need to find a new balance, I guess.
kaydeefalls: history: just one fucking thing after another (thank you mr. rudge)
Internets, I am 30 today.

So that's a thing that happened.

snow?

Jan. 27th, 2015 03:38 pm
kaydeefalls: angel in sunlight, thrilled to not be on fire (angel is not on fire.)
It totally snowed in NYC! Just not, y'know, anywhere near as much as it was supposed to. But I've been working from home all day, so I'm good. Except that I've run out of work to do, sort of? I mean, the phone has been quiet, as have the various e-mail inboxes I monitor, and my boss is still stuck at the home office in North Carolina, so he hasn't really been giving me anything to work on. I'm still not fully trained, but there's no one here to train me right now, y'know? So I'm just...holding down the fort and fretting because I'm sure there's something I SHOULD be doing, but I don't know what that something is.

Working from home is nice, though. Pajama pants all the way. And I'm much less stressed now than I was last week, mainly because all the stressful things have been taken off my plate entirely and given to people whose job they actually are. So that's good.

Um, also my Gay Geeks group, which puts on a live performance of the Buffy musical episode every summer, is branching out and doing Rocky Horror this spring. And I seem to have been cast as Janet? IDK, I was not expecting that. So...that's happening soon. Wacky fun.

I'm gonna give my Festivid one last good edit as soon as I "clock out" today, and then that'll be good to go. And then maybe I can tackle the Steve/Bucky fic of doom. Who knows! I'm sure as hell not leaving the apartment today. It may not have been much of a storm, but everything is slush, and I am not a fan.

reset

Jan. 23rd, 2015 03:56 pm
kaydeefalls: pretty pretty st stephen's green (going to my happy place)
I'm currently in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, stage managing a solo show for one performance. Which means that basically I've been bumming around the beach and various bars/restaurants with my actor for the past 24 hours. Tech only took two and half hours yesterday, and the show itself tonight will only be an hour, so then we will go back out and continue drinking on the beach. This is exactly the sort of working vacation I desperately needed. I spent the day walking along the beach in the sun and 80F weather, guys. In NYC it's supposed to snow tonight.

Particularly needed this because there was a MAJOR disaster at New Job that hit last Friday, which meant that I was working from home for much of the weekend, and this past week was pretty stressful and hellish. I seriously considered just quitting somewhere around Tuesday night. This side trip has given me space to breathe, a chance to sleep, and some perspective, thankfully, so I shan't do anything rash (like quit the job I've only had for three weeks).

(The New Job disaster was a massive fuck-up on the part of a guy at the home office, and neither I nor my boss nor any of my immediate coworkers were in any way responsible for it, so it's not like I was in trouble in any way, shape, or form. It's just that the NY office has to clean up his fucking mess, and boy, is it a huge fucking mess. Like, of the he-has-definitely-been-fired variety. It's been a nightmare being on damage control, and that's going to continue over the next few weeks. But I do realize that this is an extraordinary situation, and not actually indicative of what working at New Job is normally like. Still. It's been dispiriting, to say the least, when I'm still so new in the position.)

Haven't had any brainspace left for fandom lately. Dunno if I'm gonna be able to muster the energy to continue my Sleepy Hollow recaps -- it's hard to drum up the enthusiasm anyway, given how shitty the show has become. I haven't even watched the latest episode yet. I do hope this brief Florida interlude will settle me enough that I can jump back into other fandoms when I get back to NYC tomorrow, at least.
kaydeefalls: winters silhouette on paris street at night (another winter in a summer town)
I've been...absurdly social over the past week, and it's draining the hell out of me. I really badly need a day of down time that's just for me. Which...maybe I will get on Friday, sort of, which is the best I can hope for. I mean, social is good! I like having friends and doing stuff! I've just very much Hit My Limit, and then tomorrow is of course New Year's Eve, and then high school friends tend to gather on the 1st, so I have at least two more days of this stuff. It doesn't help that I've had a very irritating cold since Christmas, which drains what little remains of my energy, and I'm starting to stress out about starting the new job next week. (They've sent me a TON of orientation docs/videos, which is awesome and helpful, but also...stressful.) I haven't gotten any writing or vidding done all week, which frustrates me to no end. I've never been this slow getting my Festivid together, and I had really really really REALLY wanted to finish the goddamn fucking Steve/Bucky fic before 2015. DAMMIT. (I mean, I had really wanted to finish it by, like, October. But that clearly didn't happen.) I'm gonna delay doing my usual end-of-year fannish meme until the fucker is done and posted, because without it, my fic productivity for the year is SHIT. That's 30k words that damn well counts toward my 2014 total. And I don't have much more to write. It just got interrupted by Secret Mutant and Yuletide. FEH.

I did finish a draft of not-my-Festivid last week, which will hopefully be ready to post this weekend, so that's...something.

And obviously I'm bumping the remainder of the December meme over to January, but I'm hardly the only one behind on those. :)

Right. I will write a scene tonight. I WILL write a scene tonight. For fuck's sake.

whew.

Dec. 22nd, 2014 06:00 pm
kaydeefalls: calvin and hobbes bopping butts (bop.)
Got the job. \o/

Producing Associate, although the job itself is an interesting mishmosh of different things. But after all that stage management, I'm now assisting a producer instead. It's a different side of the industry for me, that's for sure. (Think of it as the people who raise the money to make a show happen, rather than the people who spend the money on the production end of things.) At the very least, it should be an interesting experience, and I got very excellent fun vibes from my boss and the office culture in general. And...regular office hours! Evenings and weekends (mostly) free! A fifteen-minute commute! (OH MY GOD you don't even know how awesomely short that is by NYC standards.) The downside of course being that I now have to wake up in the mornings again, which is...not my favorite thing ever, to put it mildly. Sigh. But actually being able to count on being free most weekends and evenings is amazing.

(Plus I could still technically pick up stage management gigs on the side, if I crave no free time ever. And let's be real, here, that's gonna happen.)

Mostly it just means that I'm no longer unemployed, thank fuck. The salary may be low, but it's still a good chunk more than I was getting from unemployment. And now all that job-hunting stress can go away.
kaydeefalls: calvin and hobbes bopping butts (bop.)
I am strangely unstressed about Yuletide, despite the fact that the deadline is in less than twenty hours and my fic is not yet complete. Maybe it's because I had a good writing session last night, and I know I don't have much further to go, and anyway the whole thing is gonna be very short (which for me means less than 3000 words). So...yeah, I'll finish that tonight. It'll probably go unbetaed, but for this particular fic, that doesn't bother me. (I've rarely had much luck with Yuletide betas, anyway.) Incidentally, though -- is there no IRC chat this year? Or has it just moved to a site I don't know about?

Had a good second interview for the "interesting" job today. It still pays too little, and the work would either be really interesting or really stressful, but I got a REALLY good vibe re: office culture, which is pretty important to me after the toxic nature of the kids theater. They're going to bring me into the office Monday to shadow the current person in the position and see if it feels like a good fit, which is kinda weird but also kind of awesome in terms of making a smart choice about the job. (I'm not sure if any other candidates are doing this as well, or if I'm their top choice.) So...that. I'm more optimistic than I was expecting, at least. And while the starting pay is low, it's still within my budget, and there's definitely opportunity for growth (and bonuses). Plus they're very flexible/reasonable about the possibility of me picking up stage management gigs on the side, which would not be the case with the other job I interviewed for (due to potential conflict of interest).

Plus I just got offered a show in April for a theater group I've worked with before and loved, and they actually pay okay, so if I can juggle the schedules, that would be nice.

In other news -- December posting meme!

[personal profile] ranalore asked: What makes for a good viddable song?

I am firmly of the opinion that ANY song is viddable...with the right vidder. So there are certain sorts of songs that I do well with, and some that I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. But that doesn't mean those songs wouldn't make awesome vids! Just that I'm not the right person to make them. BUT ANYWAY. I'm generally drawn to lyrics/lyricality first and foremost; I prefer songs that really tell a story, either through the lyrics or through the music. I don't like highly repetitive songs, which is why I very rarely vid pop songs, unless I can twist them into meta commentary -- i.e. Die Young taken literally for a Buffy vid. I love Vienna Teng and Tom McRae (maybe a little too much), because the lyrics are sharp and smart, the music is often surprising, and the choruses tend to shift musically with each repetition. But really, it's mainly that a song needs to click in my head as belonging to a certain fandom/character/idea. Often it's a single lyric that sells me -- for Human, which had been in the back of my head for a while as a potential sci-fi/fantasy vid, the lines "And so long to devotion / you taught me everything I know / wave goodbye, wish me well / you've gotta let me go" were SO OBVIOUSLY about the Raven/Charles relationship that I basically just hopped around impatiently until good DoFP source became available and I could vid it. More rarely, I have a strong idea for a vid and then basically shop around for a song that matches; for example, I knew I wanted to make a creepy Wishverse (Buffy) vid, but it took some searching before I latched onto the theme from Rosemary's Baby as the right music.

I have been making an effort to vary my music selection for vidding lately, because while I COULD easily vid every single Vienna Teng and Tom McRae song, that doesn't mean I SHOULD. But my personal musical tastes are fairly limited, in terms of what I actually listen to on a regular basis, so it's kind of an ongoing process finding new material to work with. I'm not really a music fan -- by which I mean, I LIKE music, obviously, but I'm not fannish about it, and I don't seek out new artists or care at all about bands or ever attend concerts. So maybe it's kind of weird that I get so obsessive about vidding. I dunno.
kaydeefalls: abbie studies casefile (abbie mills)
After months of applying for job after job with no response whatsoever, I just had two separate phone interviews today. Yay? I mean, on one hand, OH THANK GOD people are actually considering hiring me. But these were both jobs I applied for out of desperation, rather than because I really wanted them, and they both pay...not very well. One sounds like a more interesting position/office environment, but pays even less and the schedule sounds like it could get super insane super quickly; the other at least offers great benefits and a stable work schedule, but the work itself is fairly dull. Look, I could make either of them work, but there is a part of me that wants to hold out for something I actually WANT to do. (Or that pays well enough -- and "well enough" for me is still a pretty low number -- to be worth not being quite what I'd like.) I've already been scheduled to interview with the big boss for the "interesting" one; the other will get back to me by the end of the week. If I make it to the next step, I'm actually inclined toward the "boring" one, on the basis that if I'm not doing what I want anyway, I'd rather be bored than super stressed all the time. I've been super stressed all the time; it's called stage management. That job's worth the stress. These are...not.

With my luck, of course, neither of them will make me an offer, and all this will be moot.

In the meantime, I have been totally failing to make any progress on Yuletide. I guess my brain needs that familiar strain of last minute panic to jolt into action. Actually, this is the sort of fic that I'd probably write better drunk. Maybe I should crack open some vodka tonight and have a go.

Oh, right, December meme!

[personal profile] misbegotten asks: Favorite Sleepy Hollow episode and why?

TOUGH QUESTION mostly because all the season 1 episodes have kind of blurred together into one long arc in my brain. Due to my recaps this season, alas, no such distance is possible, and they definitely are not my favorites. Although "Mama" was a very strong episode, and I loved the focus on the Mills sister and their mother, so that was good. But I didn't LOVE it the way I did some of the cracktastic S1 episodes. So...probably the S1 two-part finale, because it blew my mind in all kinds of awesome ways (and I didn't know yet how badly they'd drop the ball), and there was plenty of Jenny kicking ass and shippy Abbie/Ichabod goodness and Katrina very briefly seemed like she might get an interesting character arc. And I feel like that's where Zombie George Washington was namedropped, which will always own my heart (along with, of course, the S2 classic "Franklinstein's Monster"). So, yes, that.
kaydeefalls: "you certainly know your trash," deasey said. (i know my trash)
Sat down with the intention of continuing my overhaul of the Steve/Bucky fic, wound up spending four hours working on Yuletide instead. Which was unexpected, but certainly not a bad thing! It is about time to start thinking about that one, anyway. So now I have a solid outline, about 600 words written, and some...other stuff. I'm a little worried that I'm not gonna be delivering precisely what my recipient wanted, but at least I'm enjoying myself. (I offered to write any characters in the [very small] fandom; predictably, the request detail was slash between two characters I don't ship. So I'm sticking to heavy subtext and hoping that will satisfy. But mimicking the style of the canon is a LOT of fun.)

Meanwhile, time to start working on the December meme backlog.

[livejournal.com profile] azewewish asked: Talk to me about New York - your favorite neighborhoods, your favorite bodegas, your favorite little out of the way places and what makes it so special to you.

Oh, NYC, what is it about you? It's difficult for me to be objective about this place because it's my hometown. Despite the fact that I left for almost ten years with absolutely no intention of moving back, but we know how that story ended, so here I am again.

I grew up in Greenwich Village, and that will likely always be my favorite neighborhood. It's just a bit funky and weird, and the streets totally stop making sense (that's the part of lower Manhattan where the grid kind of throws up its hands in defeat), but it's all brownstones and narrow tree-lined streets that become cobblestoned as you get further west, and little indie shops and restaurants and gay bars, and it makes me really happy. If you like showtunes, check out Marie's Crisis, the very queer Broadway-themed piano bar where everybody sings along (and everyone knows all the damn words to La Vie Boheme and One Day More and Suddenly Seymour); it's more fun on weeknights, when it's less packed. I also have a fondness for Stonewall, partly because of the history and partly because it's one of the genuinely inclusive LGBTQ bars (as opposed to most NYC gay bars, which are like 95% gay men and bachelorette parties, and very few lesbians). And, yeah, whatever, I still love the cupcakes at the original Magnolia Bakery on Bleecker Street the best.

But I also think everyone should really explore the city, because it's so big and diverse and has something for everyone, if you look. So many tourists only ever see Times Square/Midtown/maybe the Statue of Liberty and then complain about how crowded and dirty and ugly the city is; yes, because THOSE ARE THE CROWDED AND DIRTY AND UGLY PARTS that all resident New Yorkers avoid like the plague. Do take a ride on the Staten Island Ferry; it's totally free and gives you great views of the harbor and Statue of Liberty; there's also a ferry to Governor's Island, which is a great picnic spot in the summer. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, it's very pedestrian friendly and there are fun neighborhoods on both ends; plus a great little park under the bridge on the Brooklyn side. Manhattan's Chinatown is okay, but there are way better Chinatowns out in Brooklyn (around Sunset Park/Bay Ridge; cheapest and most delicious dim sum) and Queens (Flushing, where there are ALL THE DUMPLINGS). Right now I live up in Washington Heights, near the George Washington Bridge; visit the little red lighthouse under the bridge, it's adorable, or wander around Fort Tryon Park and check out the Cloisters for gorgeous medieval art. Astoria, the most easily accessible neighborhood in Queens, is a great place to live and hang out if you're in your twenties or thirties -- tons of restaurants and bars. On the touristy end of the spectrum, yes, I genuinely love Central Park, especially the boat pond and Belvedere Castle and the Ramble; while you never quite forget you're in the middle of a city, you can definitely ignore it for a while. Also, the one tourist trap I will willingly shell out cash for is the Circle Line boat tour, which does a full circuit of Manhattan island and delves into some fascinating history.

My favorite little spot is the South Cove down in Battery Park, which is lit only by blue lanterns at night. I like sitting by the water there late at night when there's almost no one else around -- it's very pretty and peaceful.

I know NYC isn't for everyone -- it's very fast-paced and busy and yes, the cost of living is appalling -- but I thrive on that constant thrum of energy. I love that it's the city that never sleeps, that the subway runs 24/7, that there's always a bodega open somewhere nearby. I love that you don't need (and certainly don't WANT) a car to get around. I love that it's big and diverse enough that whoever you are, whatever you're looking for, you can find your niche here and thrive in it (if you're willing to put a little effort into looking). And it's home.
kaydeefalls: theater as viewed from the wings (i live on the stage)
I have to watch Sleepy Hollow because of my stupid recaps for the RL blog, but man, I really don't want to. Tumblr already spoiled me for last night's ep. DO NOT WANT. :(

Also, why oh why did I volunteer to pinch hit for Secret Mutant? I have five days to come up with some kind of fic and my brain is totally blank. All I want is to keep ripping apart my Steve/Bucky fic and then actually finish the damn thing. UGH WRITING. Anyway, have a meme.


[personal profile] theladyscribe asked: How did you get into the theatre business and if you do decide on a career change, what sort of change are you thinking?

Theater...just kind of happened? I mean, obviously I made a conscious decision at some point to do this weird thing with my life, but I'm not sure exactly when that happened. I've always loved seeing theatre, and my parents started taking me to Broadway shows when I was seven or eight. I always loved acting in school plays in elementary school, and then I started performing with a children's theater company in middle and high school. (The same one I recently ended my employment with, actually.) But by high school, I was smart enough to know that while acting was fun, I wasn't good enough at it to pursue it as a career. Still wound up majoring in Theater & Performance Studies in college, though, where I focused on directing, and I got internships at various theaters around Chicago every summer. My first professional credit was as assistant to the director on a production of Oklahoma! at a musical theater company in Chicago. And my second gig, also as AD, was at a much smaller theater...which needed a stage manager. The director asked if I could do that. I lied and said yes. "Fake it 'till you make it": words to live by.

So somehow stage management has wound up being the only thing I do. I like it a lot, most of the time! Running shows makes me really happy. But it's not the world's most stable profession, to put it mildly, and I'm almost thirty, and I'm starting to want slightly more reliable employment. And maybe weekends off.

I don't know yet what sort of career to shift into. Definitely would prefer to remain in the theater industry, though I'm not sure how how happy I'd be just doing arts admin. Normal office jobs tend to destroy my soul after a couple of months. This is the plus side of an irregular job -- the shows change up every few months and there's always something new to keep me interested. I get bored too easily when the job stays the same. (Which is a big part of why I have zero interest in working on Broadway, but that's a rant for another time.) Ideally, I guess, I'd transition into arts education somehow -- not as a teacher, but in the education department of a performing arts organization. I do love working with kids, and wouldn't mind bringing theater into classrooms, but I don't want to be a school teacher. So. I don't know, it's a super shitty time to be looking for work in the arts, and I haven't had any luck finding a job that isn't as a stage manager, so who knows. Unemployment is super depressing, guys. :/
kaydeefalls: kim&jeremy&dana running sports night (control room)
So due to [personal profile] theladyscribe's fantastic DW friending meme, I seem to have acquired some new friends. Hello, new friends! Probably this means I should do some kind of re-intro post. Which, being a lazy bum, I'm mostly copying and pasting from an intro post thing I did about a year ago. Whatever.

So I'm [personal profile] kaydeefalls, and you can find me using that name on AO3, Tumblr, and LJ as well. I've been going by that pseud for more than half my life at this point, and see no reason to ever change it. (Yes, there is still X-Files fanfic by my thirteen-year-old self lurking somewhere in the depths of the internet under this name, and for the record, I apologize.) I do my best to keep my real name completely divorced from my fandom identity, primarily for professional reasons (like 99% of the people I interact with on a regular basis know I write fanfic, I really don't give two fucks about keeping that secret, but that doesn't mean I want my coworkers reading my old Jack/Ianto porn) -- but honestly, I've been kaydee for so long at this point that I instinctively respond to that name as easily as my real name.

I'm multi-fannish by nature, though I tend to particularly fixate on one or two fandoms at a time. X-Files was my first fandom, Mulder/Scully my first OTP, and we have a forever love. The first fandom most people probably knew me from was LotR RPS, and that will likely always be the first fandom that tops the list on my AO3 dash because I was really freaking prolific in it. I also spent a good long while in the Remus/Sirius corner of the Harry Potter fandom. I've been fairly active in Doctor Who (and Torchwood for a while) as well, although I've been less enamored of the show lately. X-Men movieverse is my longest-running active fandom, since I got into it when X2 came out and never entirely left; First Class pulled me back in with a vengeance. But these days I'm primarily obsessed with the MCU, thanks to Winter Soldier. I also write up weekly recaps for Sleepy Hollow for another blog (under my real name), which I crosspost here. And I've been participating in Yuletide every year since its inception, so there's that. These days I seem to be far more prolific at vidding than writing. Not sure why.

Outside of fandom, I'm a professional theater stage manager, currently living and working in NYC (which also happens to be my hometown). In the past ten years, I've also lived in Washington DC, Chicago, Dublin, and a tiny town on a very tall mountain in Colorado. Theater folk tend toward the nomadic existence. Working in theater means that my schedule is weird and varies widely from month to month (or week to week), which is why sometimes I'm writing/vidding constantly and then sometimes I fall off the face of the internet for weeks (...months...) on end. I'm starting to consider a career shift, but I'm not sure to what, and I still love theater an awful lot.

I'm also a queer Jewish woman, for the record. I tend to shorthand ID as lesbian, because that's quick and easy to understand, but I believe sexuality is an ever-evolving spectrum (at least for me), and "queer" encompasses that concept better, for me. I'm like 95% atheist as well, but definitely ID as Jewish because it's an important part of my cultural heritage. Politically, I'm very liberal.

And...yeah! There are still plenty of dates open in the December posting meme, if you want to hear my blather about anything in particular.
kaydeefalls: eddie izzard as mr. kite in his wacky flying contraption (being for the benefit of mr. kite)
This was fun last year, and since it's making the rounds again...

Pick a date in December and give me a topic, and I'll ramble on. I'm good at blather. It can be anything from fandom-related (specific characters, actors, storylines, episodes, etc.) to life-related to pizza preferences to whatever you want. Last year I wound up with mostly theater prompts, for obvious reasons. :)

I may be willing to write ficlets as well, if requested, though that's harder for me to guarantee.

all the days )
kaydeefalls: simon/kaylee giggling together (laughter (simon/kaylee))
So...haven't been posting much RL stuff lately. Or at all. work stuff, or, unemployment, yay! )

In the interest of staying positive, though, I put together a Kaylee (from Firefly) costume for Halloween, which I was quite pleased with! Shiny, cap'n! )

also, ow.

Sep. 8th, 2014 12:49 am
kaydeefalls: nixon proffers flask (i need a goddamn drink)
I just spent basically eight hours straight painting the foyer and long hallway in my apartment, which I've been meaning to do for, oh, about a year now. (I've lived here for a year and a half; it's a three-bedroom.) See, the original roommate/lease-holder had lived here for about ten years straight, and when he and his two college buddies originally moved in, they thought it would be super awesome to paint the entryway a vibrant not-quite-neon yellow. The hallway was a less dramatic off-white, although they tried to do something funky and artsy with some blue and a more goldenrod sort of yellow at one end, which just kinda looked like they started to paint and then gave up halfway through. (Also, the living room is a dark, vampiric sort of red.) Meanwhile, ten years went by, giving the paint job the expected layer of dinge and scuff marks.

Then a year ago, that original dude moved out, and I became the lease-holder on the place and got two new roommates, both of whom immediately repainted their own bedrooms (understandably) and talked an awful lot about doing the rest of the place, but never actually did. (My own bedroom was a pleasantly warm shade of gray when I moved in, and I have no desire to change it. It suits me, and my red rug and colorful Broadway posters pop nicely.)

BUT TODAY WAS THE DAY. And I painted the entire goddamn entryway/hallway by myself, plus all the trim along the bottom and the doorways and the front door and closet door and two bedroom doors. And it looks awesome. Farewell to thee, weird quasi-neon yellow foyer. I shall not miss you at all.

The blood-red living room is, like, a two-day project all on its own, and my roommate A is kinda taking charge of that one. He has Plans. We're not sure when we're going to do it, but it's definitely next on the list. (He spent the day deep cleaning the bathroom and kitchen instead of helping me paint. Fair trade, in my books.)

But in the meantime, HOLY SHIT MY HANDS HURT. Ow ow ow ow ow. I had thought I might tackle the ceiling tomorrow, but given how much my hands are cramping up right now, I'm assuming the very thought of holding a roller again tomorrow will just make me cry. Maybe next weekend.
kaydeefalls: amy&eleven in front of vincent's sunflower painting (for amy from vincent)
So it was my birthday last week, and that's a thing that happened. I've had kind of a shitty week due to work-related crap, and my brain is doing that detached-and-lonely thing that is my version of depression, but none of that is at all birthday-related. For my birthday I saw Macbeth at the Armory -- the one with Kenneth Branagh and River Song Alex Kingston, and that was pretty darn nifty. I had some issues with the production, but it was visually STUNNING, and also, y'know, Kenneth Branagh and Shakespeare and live, so, kind of hard to complain. So that was cool.

Work crap: mostly mental health issues )
kaydeefalls: theater as viewed from the wings (i live on the stage)
Today I made a bunch of fake sandwiches and a giant salt shaker. My life is weird.

This segues nicely into one of the remaining prompts from the no-longer-December meme.

[livejournal.com profile] pocky_slash prompted: How you got into theatre or what it means to you or...something. Like that.

Henslowe: Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster.
Fennyman: So what do we do?
Henslowe: Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well.
Fennyman: How?
Henslowe: I don't know. It's a mystery.
-Shakespeare in Love, written by Tom Stoppard (yup, the Arcadia guy)


Fucked if I know how I got into theatre. It's just one of those things that happens. I'm a little obsessed with storytelling, as you might have noticed, what with the fandom thing and all, and live theatre is my very favorite because of the intimate relationship between performers and audience. I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't in love with the theatre. My parents started taking me to plays from around when I could walk and talk -- first children's theatre, then Broadway -- and I started doing school plays in, like, first grade. I don't think I ever really expected to become an actress -- sure, I fantasized about it sometimes, but I'm way too much of a pragmatist to really believe in that. In high school, I started doing some directing, which I loved, and though I briefly clung to the notion that I would major in something useful in college -- like, y'know, English Lit -- I wound up declaring a Theater & Performance Studies major by the end of my freshman year. I just couldn't imagine doing anything else. My focus in college was on directing. I spent every summer interning at some theater or another -- all-purpose internships in small theaters, basically, doing all sorts of odd jobs and getting to know the business of running a theater beyond the productions themselves -- and got some steady work in house management on the side.

One of my first professional gigs in the year after graduation was as assistant director at a tiny theater in Chicago, and their usual stage manager had to drop out before rehearsals started, so the director asked if I could SM, too. I said yes, of course, because you ALWAYS say yes to a gig when you're just starting out, and then panicked because I'd never done any stage management in school at ALL. But I'd worked with plenty of good SMs, so I just tried to mimic what I remembered them doing, and...well, fake it 'till you make it, right? I discovered I enjoyed running shows, despite the stress. And once I moved to Washington and started working in admin at a large-ish Equity theater, I realized that no, I really needed to be in production, not administration. (I still think maybe someday I could land in the education department of a big theater and be content there, because I have very strong feelings about arts education, but it's not my true love.) While searching for production gigs around town, I discovered very quickly that no one really wants an AD, nor will they pay one much, but EVERYONE needs a good ASM and are willing to pay for one. So I fell face-first into stage management and haven't come up for air since. And now that's the only thing I do.

It's been six years this month since my first SM gig. Where I am now is not quite what I'd ever expected or planned growing up, but it suits me -- I'm a bit too pragmatic to ever be a great artist, but I derive a huge amount of satisfaction from the work I do, and I get to work in a theater every day. There have been good shows and bad shows, and some truly shitty work experiences -- I'm not too thrilled with my current situation, for example -- but I still just can't imagine doing anything else. Calling a show is like being the conductor of an orchestra, and requires just as much finesse and, yes, artistry, and I love it. ♥

And for the record: the sandwiches were cut out of mattress foam with a bit of brown paint around the edges for crust, and the giant salt shaker made out of a large styrofoam cone, clear packing tape, and aluminum foil. In case you ever need to make your own.
kaydeefalls: "you certainly know your trash," deasey said. (i know my trash)
My "weekend" was insane. And also not a weekend. Now that I'm back into the swing of theater again, Saturdays and Sundays are work days for me -- Monday/Tuesday is generally my weekend. So Saturday I had work for several hours longer than planned, then spent the evening frantically writing the final 4000 words or so of my Secret Mutant fic. But I did it! Huzzah! And then yesterday was our first rehearsal, so I was at the theater for about eight hours, followed by jumping in late to a Gay Geeks event only to find myself elected to the GGNY Board. (I mean, it's not like they sprung it on me or anything. I did make the conscious choice to run. It's just that there were a lot more people running than positions available, so the actually being elected part was not a given.) So! Now that's a thing that I'm doing with my free time even more than usual for the next year. I feel so official and stuff.

ANYWAY. I am now of course behind on the December meme, but I shall catch up one day at a time.


[personal profile] via_ostiense asks: favorite things about living in NYC

Well, for starters, it is my hometown. Most of you probably know the feeling. You just know a place really, really well, because it's where you grew up. It just happens that for me, that's NYC.

Okay, favorite things: the SUBWAY, no lie. I've lived in a number of different cities with varying degrees of public transportation, and for all that New Yorkers love to bitch about the MTA, this is still hands down the best public transit system I've yet to encounter. (I'm not saying there aren't better ones out there -- just haven't experienced them for myself yet.) Yes, I know the subway system is confusing for newcomers, but it's always made perfect sense to me, and part of what makes it complicated is that it is QUITE extensive -- you can get almost anywhere in the city on the subway. (Okay, my privilege is showing here -- I do know there are swathes of the outer boroughs that are not so accessible, although the bus system is even more extensive to make up for it.) And it runs 24 hours, 7 days a week. Living in DC frustrated me to no end because the stupid Metro shut down at midnight on weekdays, which, sorry, if you work in theater (or, y'know, the restaurant/bar industry, among others), THAT IS NOT A REASONABLE TIME TO NO LONGER HAVE PUBLIC TRANSIT. And owning a car is freaking expensive.

I also love this city's diversity. Every sort of person imaginable lives here, and more importantly, can form a community here. That's important to the healthy cultural life of a city, I think. I love the neighborhoods, how distinct each can be. I love how pedestrian-friendly most of the city is, that you can walk just about anywhere. I love that this is a city with a history -- as much as anyplace in America is, anyway (Londoners are probably laughing at me right now). I dunno, it's hard for me to just rattle things off, and I'm not saying NYC doesn't have its problems, but although I've lived in a number of other places -- some that I liked quite a lot -- this is the only one that's ever felt like home to me. I don't know if I'll stay here forever -- I always expected I'd eventually settle somewhere else -- but it's been good to be back, and the more I build up a community of my own here, the less likely I'll be willing to leave again.
kaydeefalls: theater as viewed from the wings (i live on the stage)
Today was my first official day back at the Kids' Theater. It was okay. I'm not 100% thrilled to be back there, since I still kinda hold a grudge from the way they essentially laid me off for four months and took away my health insurance, and there have been a few staff changes since I left, which takes some getting used to. But I'm getting back into the routine of it. I'm kind of expecting to leave for good at the end of this season in August. No specific plans as of yet, though, so we'll see.

Am hitting panic mode on Secret Mutant. I know that as long as I upload a complete draft to AO3 on Saturday night, I still have a week before it goes live to edit it further (yes, I am that asshole), but I do still need a complete draft. And I'm getting there! I have 9000 words already! And I'm only a scene or two away from the climax. But I don't have much free time for writing left this week. Um.

So clearly it's time for me to continue the December posting meme, for which I am also still accepting prompts. :)


[personal profile] zulu asks: What is a theatre tech issue that is most likely to cause problems, but that audience members are least likely to notice/know about?

Hmmm. This is tricky -- most of the tech issues I worry about are the ones the audience definitely WILL notice. That's why they're so worrisome. But I'll say that probably the most common problem I've encountered is with lighting -- a glitch in the light board, or a lamp blowing out during a show. Unless it's truly catastrophic (like blowing a fuse, which affects EVERYTHING), the audience likely WON'T notice if one of the lighting instruments goes out in the midst of a show. But the stage manager absolutely will, because we know the look of the show well enough to realize that it's darker than it should be over there. It leads to a fun and stressful game of figuring out which lamp exactly we're missing, which channel that is on the board, and then flipping ahead through the prompt book to see which lighting cues might be adversely affected by it, and coming up with a backup plan for those cues. All while still calling the show as it goes on. If you've got a light board operator, that becomes their problem; if you're running the board as well as calling the show (which, since I tend to work in smaller theaters, is often the case for me), then it really is multitasking at its finest.

Once I started a show and realized that one of our moving lights was no longer responding -- we were using four in that show, I think, and they were always used as specials (i.e. creating a very particular, special look on a particular part of the stage for a particular moment in the staging, rather than being part of the wash, which is several different instruments together lighting large sections of the stage; losing a light in a wash is waaaaay less important, because it's not solely responsible for making a space bright). So I had to isolate which instrument was out, then think through the show and imagine which other moments it was used for, then come up with an emergency backup plan to ensure that all of those moments would be lit using whatever normal, non-moving light was pointed in that general direction instead, all while I'm stuck up in the booth at the back of the house. Fortunately, we'd had a good lighting designer, and any good LD will program in at least one submaster on the board that's a general wash (or several -- one for stage right, one for center, one for stage left, or whatever), so when all else fails you can always bring up SOME light onstage, even if it's not pretty. I think I did have to bring up a sub for one song that time. But anyway, barring complete unexpected blackout, the audience almost never notices lighting problems. They don't know how the lights are supposed to look, so they don't realize when it looks different, no matter how ugly it looks to the stage manager.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (so many possibilities)
[livejournal.com profile] urb_banal prompted: any character from any fandom, or not: A line drawn away from yourself towards...

I'm not quite taking this in the direction she intended, but the prompt has lingered in my head all day, and this is where I wound up. I can't insert myself into a scene with a fictional character -- I mean, I have done, when I was much younger, and that's called a Mary Sue and it's all right, I feel like it's an important stage of development for any writer. But honestly, I wouldn't want to stick myself in a room with a fictional character -- or a famous person -- or any of those sorts of scenarios, because that's just not who I am. I wouldn't know what to say. I'd feel very small and quiet and dull. And I don't tend to strongly identify with the fictional characters I love, or the ones I write. That's part of the joy of writing, for me -- trying on someone else's personality for a change, seeing through someone else's eyes, not dragging them into my head.

I just sat at my laptop for a good long while and tried to think of any character from any medium, just one, that I feel a genuine personal connection to. Just one.

A line drawn away from myself towards --

It's all trivial -- your grouse, my hermit, Bernard's Byron. Comparing what we're looking for misses the point. It's wanting to know that makes us matter. Otherwise we're going out the way we came in. That's why you can't believe in the afterlife, Valentine. Believe in the after, by all means, but not the life. Believe in God, the soul, the spirit, the infinite, believe in angels if you like, but not in the great celestial get-together for an exchange of views. If the answers are in the back of the book I can wait, but what a drag. Better to struggle on knowing that failure is final.


Hannah Jarvis, from Tom Stoppard's play Arcadia, is quite possibly the only fictional character I have ever truly seen myself in, and oh god, I can't even begin to describe it. Fair warning: given the current prompts, I'm going to be talking about Arcadia a LOT this month. So I'm not going to go into detail about the play itself right now, but oh, HANNAH.

She's a no-nonsense, sharp-tongued, fierce feminist who criticizes the Romantic era as celebrating "the decline from thinking to feeling"; she comes to this manor house in search of the perfect symbol to tie her book together and instead finds herself deeply emotionally invested in the lives of a young mathematics genius and her tutor who lived and died centuries earlier. I'm not an historian nor an academic, but I'm frequently accused of either being too logical and unfeeling (in terms of romantic relationships) or getting too worked up over trivialities (fandom, social issues), and I identify HARD with Hannah's emotional transference from her own personal life to the cares and concerns of people long dead. (On a lighter note, Hannah ships Thomasina/Septimus pretty hardcore, as well she should.) She is very much a flawed heroine -- if she can be considered the heroine of the play at all; most would probably argue that Thomasina is, but my vote's for Hannah -- and she's a bit odd and lonely and abrasive. And I see way too much of myself in her. Way, way too much.

BERNARD: You should let yourself go a bit. You might have written a better book. Or at any rate the right book.
HANNAH: Sex and literature. Literature and sex. Your conversation, left to itself, doesn't have many places to go. Like two marbles rolling around a pudding basin. One of them is always sex.
BERNARD: Ah well, yes. Men all over.
HANNAH: No doubt. Einstein -- relativity and sex. Chippendale -- sex and furniture. Galileo -- "Did the earth move?" What the hell is it with you people? Chaps sometimes wanted to marry me, and I don't know a worse bargain. Available sex against not being allowed to fart in bed. What do you mean the right book?
BERNARD: It takes a romantic to make a heroine of Caroline Lamb. You were cut out for Byron.


(There are plenty of days in December I don't have filled -- prompt me! Please?)
kaydeefalls: angel in sunlight, thrilled to not be on fire (angel is not on fire.)
Happy post-Thanksgiving food coma to all and sundry, regardless of nationality! Thanksgiving is a super racist holiday, but I mostly like the family and food part. Although there has been quite a lot of family and food, and no time to myself for writing/vidding like I'd planned, so OOPS HERE COME SOME DEADLINES.

On that note, clearly I am incapable of writing or posting regularly, which means obviously I need another post-every-day meme in my life. Stolen from like five people on my DWcircle, with a mental note to go back and prompt them when I have functioning brain cells again. (And unlike the generic meme, I am far more likely to actually respond to prompts left by friends on a daily-ish basis.)

Pick a date below and give me a topic, and I'll ramble on. I'm good at talking. It can be anything from fandom-related (specific characters, actors, storylines, episodes, etc.) to life-related to pizza preferences to whatever you want.

They will probably be brief, or not, depending on the subject.

Also, I reserve the right to decline prompts that I don't feel equipped to meet.

Topics: you can get an idea from my tags/from the stuff I usually ramble about/from things you maybe wish I talked about more but don't. *Or just ask at random. I will gladly blather at random about shit I know nothing about.

prompts! gimme gimme! )
kaydeefalls: kim&jeremy&dana running sports night (control room)
So one of my temp agencies FINALLY landed me a temp job -- it only took them like two months -- and it should last for the rest of November, right up until I got back to the Kids' Theater. Data entry, boring, but pays, so whatever. But UGH I forgot how much I hate working normal office jobs. I hate the 9-5 schedule, I hate commuting during rush hour, I hate having to dress nicely for work (at least at Big Gay NPO, I could wear jeans) and wear shoes that hurt my feet, I hate corporate culture. I'm working actually on Wall Street for the next three weeks, guys. Bah. But, y'know, income, and at least my desk is right in front of a window. And it's only for three weeks. I can handle anything for three weeks.

This does mean my time for fannish activity has shrunk drastically, of course, which makes me side-eye all my holiday exchange assignments super hard. I'm prioritizing by deadline as much as possible. I'm not even gonna THINK about Festivids until around Christmas, seriously (although I do know what song/fandom I'm vidding already). I need to do some serious revision on the Sleepy Hollow fic and then tackle Secret Mutant, and pray that somewhere in the back of my brain a Yuletide idea will germinate somehow. Although all I really want to do is finish Queen's fucking Gambit already, christ.

In the meantime, I will continue plowing through this meme.

14. If you won the lottery...
I WOULD NEVER TEMP AGAIN HAHAHAHA.

Seriously, though, it depends what kind of jackpot we're talking about here. Ten thousand dollars? Maybe make a couple of nice personal purchases and stash the rest in savings. A million dollars or more? Hire someone who knows about investments, etc, and take care of it that way, find my own one-bedroom apartment in the Village or something, and set up regular donations to a few good non-profit arts organizations. I'm lucky enough not to have any debt that needs paying off, and my only close family are my parents, who are comfortable on their own, so really, it would just give me much more freedom in terms of my career. I'd never stop working in theater, but I could take gigs depending on my interest without having to factor in the money involved. Or try to transition back into directing? I dunno. I never play the lotto, though, so it's not something I've given much thought to.

all the prompts )
kaydeefalls: abbie studies casefile (abbie mills)
So then I wrote my Sleepy Hollow exchange fic in less than twenty-four hours. It's under 2000 words, nice and short, future!fic with the Mills sisters. Anyone willing to give it a quick beta?

And while I'm waiting for the latest episode to turn up online, it's meme time.

13. What is your earliest memory?
Huh. This is hard to say. I have fragments of memories from when I was in preschool, but nothing particularly detailed, and I'm honestly not sure how much is my actual memory and how much is my parents' stories seeping into my subconscious thoroughly enough that I think I remember it myself. And I don't know which fragments come before or after which other ones chronologically. But one thing I do remember is a game I used to play with my mother when I was very small, so I was probably only three or maybe four at the time. We would Play Pretend, and my favorite TV cartoon at the time was about dinosaurs -- I cannot for the life of me recall what it was called -- so I had this elaborate story I would make my mother act out with me in which I would "hatch" from an egg (i.e. I was wrapped up in this quilt and would break my way out of it), and then I would be a baby dinosaur. I don't even know, guys.


all the prompts )
kaydeefalls: prudence laughing in the sunshine: "won't you come out to play" (dear prudence)
Halloween! I haven't dressed up for Halloween in many years, but that was before I joined the Gay Geeks, so I foresee a lot more costume crap in the future. We marched in the NYC Halloween Parade as the Avengers, and it was awesome. Except we care more about geeky comic book characters than mainstream Avengers, so we only had one of the movie!team -- Captain America -- and the rest of us were somewhat more obscure. Ant Man (not so obscure), the Wasp, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Dr. Strange, Wonder Man, Jarvis, Hulkling, Wiccan, and Kate Bishop, and I'm probably forgetting some (and we did have some non-Avengers in the group -- an awesome Joker and genderbent Harley Quinn, for starters), but we got very good at coordinating photo poses along the parade route whenever one of us yelled "Assemble!" (and then, of course, "Disassemble!"). I know we were on TV at some point, posing.

I went as Kate Bishop (Young Avengers' Hawkeye), specifically from the cover of Hawkeye vol 9. photos! )

And now, more meme.

12. What's inside your fridge?
Um... I have two roommates, so this is all three of us. Ahem: Mountain Dew, soy milk, 3 loaves of sliced bread, lots of eggs, hummus, butter, many yogurts, a couple of tupperwares with leftovers, several packets of shredded cheese, ketchup and other basic condiments, grape jelly, several varieties of salad dressing, tomato sauce, soy sauce, pickles, applesauce, a couple of cans of hard cider, radishes, apples, carrots.

all the prompts )
kaydeefalls: charles looking at erik with hearts in his eyes omg (charles/erik)
I AM LIKE HYPERVENTILATING BECAUSE THE X-MEN DAYS OF FUTURE PAST TRAILER LOOKS SO FUCKING AMAZING.

IN OTHER NEWS, MEME. With warning for whimsy and not taking the question seriously.

11. List 15 of your favorite things
1. XMDOFP trailer, jesus fucking christ, this was the wrong time to ask me this question
2. baked goods
3. my laptop
4. my iPhone
5. internet fandom, or at least my corner of it
6. sleeping
7. theater
8. being alone in a theater lit only by a ghost light, because I have never known such perfect peace
9. Tom Stoppard's play Arcadia
10. frieeeeeendshiiiiiip
11. going to my happy shipper mental space for my OTP of any given moment
12. plotty OTP fanfic
13. hot showers on cold days, and cold showers on hot days
14. traveling solo
15. mountains

This was a very stream-of-consciousness list, btw.

NOW CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME THE TRAILER IS? Because I have had my doubts and fears about this movie, but suddenly all I can see is the awesome. (Yes, I know it should be Kitty Pryde instead of Wolverine, and yes, I would prefer that, too, and lack of Angel makes me sad, but APART FROM THAT.)

all the prompts )

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