reset

Jan. 23rd, 2015 03:56 pm
kaydeefalls: pretty pretty st stephen's green (going to my happy place)
I'm currently in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, stage managing a solo show for one performance. Which means that basically I've been bumming around the beach and various bars/restaurants with my actor for the past 24 hours. Tech only took two and half hours yesterday, and the show itself tonight will only be an hour, so then we will go back out and continue drinking on the beach. This is exactly the sort of working vacation I desperately needed. I spent the day walking along the beach in the sun and 80F weather, guys. In NYC it's supposed to snow tonight.

Particularly needed this because there was a MAJOR disaster at New Job that hit last Friday, which meant that I was working from home for much of the weekend, and this past week was pretty stressful and hellish. I seriously considered just quitting somewhere around Tuesday night. This side trip has given me space to breathe, a chance to sleep, and some perspective, thankfully, so I shan't do anything rash (like quit the job I've only had for three weeks).

(The New Job disaster was a massive fuck-up on the part of a guy at the home office, and neither I nor my boss nor any of my immediate coworkers were in any way responsible for it, so it's not like I was in trouble in any way, shape, or form. It's just that the NY office has to clean up his fucking mess, and boy, is it a huge fucking mess. Like, of the he-has-definitely-been-fired variety. It's been a nightmare being on damage control, and that's going to continue over the next few weeks. But I do realize that this is an extraordinary situation, and not actually indicative of what working at New Job is normally like. Still. It's been dispiriting, to say the least, when I'm still so new in the position.)

Haven't had any brainspace left for fandom lately. Dunno if I'm gonna be able to muster the energy to continue my Sleepy Hollow recaps -- it's hard to drum up the enthusiasm anyway, given how shitty the show has become. I haven't even watched the latest episode yet. I do hope this brief Florida interlude will settle me enough that I can jump back into other fandoms when I get back to NYC tomorrow, at least.
kaydeefalls: theater as viewed from the wings (i live on the stage)
I have to watch Sleepy Hollow because of my stupid recaps for the RL blog, but man, I really don't want to. Tumblr already spoiled me for last night's ep. DO NOT WANT. :(

Also, why oh why did I volunteer to pinch hit for Secret Mutant? I have five days to come up with some kind of fic and my brain is totally blank. All I want is to keep ripping apart my Steve/Bucky fic and then actually finish the damn thing. UGH WRITING. Anyway, have a meme.


[personal profile] theladyscribe asked: How did you get into the theatre business and if you do decide on a career change, what sort of change are you thinking?

Theater...just kind of happened? I mean, obviously I made a conscious decision at some point to do this weird thing with my life, but I'm not sure exactly when that happened. I've always loved seeing theatre, and my parents started taking me to Broadway shows when I was seven or eight. I always loved acting in school plays in elementary school, and then I started performing with a children's theater company in middle and high school. (The same one I recently ended my employment with, actually.) But by high school, I was smart enough to know that while acting was fun, I wasn't good enough at it to pursue it as a career. Still wound up majoring in Theater & Performance Studies in college, though, where I focused on directing, and I got internships at various theaters around Chicago every summer. My first professional credit was as assistant to the director on a production of Oklahoma! at a musical theater company in Chicago. And my second gig, also as AD, was at a much smaller theater...which needed a stage manager. The director asked if I could do that. I lied and said yes. "Fake it 'till you make it": words to live by.

So somehow stage management has wound up being the only thing I do. I like it a lot, most of the time! Running shows makes me really happy. But it's not the world's most stable profession, to put it mildly, and I'm almost thirty, and I'm starting to want slightly more reliable employment. And maybe weekends off.

I don't know yet what sort of career to shift into. Definitely would prefer to remain in the theater industry, though I'm not sure how how happy I'd be just doing arts admin. Normal office jobs tend to destroy my soul after a couple of months. This is the plus side of an irregular job -- the shows change up every few months and there's always something new to keep me interested. I get bored too easily when the job stays the same. (Which is a big part of why I have zero interest in working on Broadway, but that's a rant for another time.) Ideally, I guess, I'd transition into arts education somehow -- not as a teacher, but in the education department of a performing arts organization. I do love working with kids, and wouldn't mind bringing theater into classrooms, but I don't want to be a school teacher. So. I don't know, it's a super shitty time to be looking for work in the arts, and I haven't had any luck finding a job that isn't as a stage manager, so who knows. Unemployment is super depressing, guys. :/

geek out

Apr. 12th, 2014 10:55 pm
kaydeefalls: raven smiles brilliantly (raven hearts you)
So...Jason Robert Brown sat in on my rehearsal today.

That was kind of a Big Deal.

(For people who aren't musical theater geeks -- he's a really fantastic Broadway composer/lyricist. The Last Five Years, Parade, Thirteen, Songs for a New World, Bridges of Madison County, etc. He's also married to the composer of the new musical I'm currently stage managing, which is why he was hanging out in my rehearsal today.)

I may have had a bit of a moment, there.

And hey, speaking of geeks...NYC-area fen should totally come to my geek trivia tomorrow afternoon!
kaydeefalls: tophat!amy is puttin' on the RItz (steppin' out with my baby tonight)
Posting every day? Ha. Like I've even had time to do anything on the internet beyond e-mail this week. "Tech eight shows at once," they said. "It'll be fun," they said. (Actually, I've really been enjoying working on this festival and it's kind of awesome. But dear god in heaven teching eight different shows in one week is exhausting.)

(On the plus side -- it's a festival of solo shows, okay, and one of them is the daughter of a famous comedian, and apparently she spent the opening night party telling a bunch of people how wonderful of a stage manager I am? So, y'know, George Carlin's kid thinks I'm nifty. So that's kinda cool.)

MEME TIME.

5. 10 songs you love right now
My primary playlist is all Tom McRae and Vienna Teng. This likely surprises no one who has seen any of my vids. But I'll try to diversify for the purposes of this meme. Also, order determined entirely by the order in which songs come to mind, not by any particular preference.
1. Level Up - Vienna Teng
2. Houdini and the Girl - Tom McRae (I swear to god I will write a Charles&Raven fic with this title eventually) (actually I pretty much want to write fics and/or make vids for every Tom McRae song, I should start an AO3 collection or something, I've already got a bunch posted)
3. Under Your Spell - Amber Benson/Joss Whedon/BtVS musical ep/shut up don't judge me
4. I'll Make A Man Out of You - Mulan (seriously, best motivation song ever)
5. Jai Ho - A.R. Rahman
6. Oh What A World - Rufus Wainwright
7. Last of the American Girls - Green Day
8. Fuck You - Lily Allen
9. So What - Pink
10. Spaceman - The Killers

I don't listen to music very much? Like it's not really my thing. I find an artist (or group) I like and then I download everything of theirs I can find and then I don't bother looking for anything else until I watch a vid and like the song enough to look up the artist etc. But 90% of the music I listen to regularly lately is, like, Vienna Teng & Tom McRae & Enya & Rufus Wainwright & maybe some Green Day or Killers or Loreena McKennitt. Or movie soundtracks. (Cloud Atlas is an excellent writing soundtrack.) And Beatles and Broadway showtunes, but that was primarily the soundtrack of my teen years, so less so nowadays.
kaydeefalls: angel in sunlight, thrilled to not be on fire (angel is not on fire.)
Today I went to the beach and got MASSIVELY SUNBURNED because spray-on sunblock apparently isn't worth crap. Life lessons, people. Whatever, it was totally worth it, it's been years since I last swam in the ocean.

Also I went to Seattle and then I came back to NYC and I failed to post about it, but I did meet up with [personal profile] fiercynn which was SUPER GREAT because I missed her lots and lots. And also I met up with [livejournal.com profile] sandmantv and we got fancy ice cream and browsed around Capitol Hill, which was also awesome. I like Seattle! It is a good city. I totally lucked out and was there for basically the only week of the year in which it was sunny and warm and pleasant for the entire week. No rain! Not even a little bit! In Seattle! It was magical.

And then I came back and promptly booked two different stage management gigs -- a funky avant-garde cabaret in September and a super exciting festival of one-person shows in October/November -- which makes me feel much better about myself as a working person, and I've been having a lot of fun in rehearsals for the Buffy musical performance in which I am Tara and get to orgasm onstage, which makes me feel better about my life in general. Both of which I needed, because otherwise my life is INSANITY because one of my roommates is moving out at the end of August and the other is moving out likely at the end of September, which means it's been wacky fun craigslist time 'round about these parts. UGH. I did find a roomie I like for the end of this month, and we're working out the obnoxious lease issues. I absolutely refuse to move again, that's for damn sure. This is the sixth (I think) place I've lived in the past fifteen months, and I like it and I want to stay here, dammit. Although this is the worst possible time for me to try to get on a lease, because hello, technically unemployed. Rental management companies really don't understand the concept of "freelancer" as a job description.

In terms of fandom, I have accomplished approximately NOTHING for my [community profile] eleventyfest assignment which is due in ten days. I sort of thought I had maybe the beginnings of an idea, at least, but I'm getting nowhere with it. Fuck.

ALSO I finally read all of the Beka Cooper trilogy in the past two weeks (see: Tamora Pierce, Tortall universe), finished it last night, and now I have all these overwhelming Tortall feels and no real fandom to speak of. THERE IS ONLY ONE BEKA/FARMER FIC ON AO3. THIS IS NOT HELPING ME DEAL WITH MY FEELS. (You don't understand, I have loved the Tortall universe since I was ten years old, and in particular George Cooper was the first and best fictional character I have ever fallen in love with and Alanna/George my original childhood OTP, and the epilogue of this book gave me stupid amounts of feels and I have NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS.)

So...yes. That's what I've been up to, anyway, I guess. My pasty white legs are a rich lobster red and they hurt. A lot.
kaydeefalls: dublin shop called Knobs & Knockers (we love porn)
My theater schedule for the rest of the month is all askew -- show opened Thursday, but because it's the summer show (at a children's theater, remember), our performances are Tues-Sat starting at noon on weekdays, two shows a day, ten shows a week, for three and a half weeks. Which means I have to be at work by around 9:30am every day. Which, okay, after three years working at the Big Gay Organization where I had to be at my desk by 8am, this is still a lot more pleasant. But still. I am not and never shall be a morning person (god knows I tried), and my sleep schedule is all wonky and unsatisfying right now. Hopefully I'll adjust soon, but my body is just not willing to shut down before 2am or so, and that leads to a very cranky stage manager every morning. Bah. It's a good thing I like the show and the kids.

While I'm posting -- would anyone be interested in and willing to beta my always-a-girl!Kirk fic? I've still got a scene or two left to write, but hopefully should be finishing it up in the next day or so, and I definitely want a beta on this one. It's about 10k words (...WHY), Reboot 'verse, with a bit of Kirk/Spock but really mostly a girl!Kirk character study, spoilers for only the very beginning of Into Darkness. Potentially triggery for past sexual/emotional abuse, but nothing explicit, and only in a vaguely referential way. Anyone? As always, I will gladly reciprocate beta (for fics or vids) in exchange.
kaydeefalls: eleven answers phone with newlywed rory/amy in background (OT3 companions)
So, I just saw Arthur Darvill on Broadway as the lead in Once from six rows from the front of the orchestra.

I may be having some OMG RORY feelings tonight.

This has been a good couple of weeks for me and theatre and Doctor Who actors, oddly enough -- last week I saw the all-black RSC production of Julius Caesar at BAM with, among others, Paterson Joseph as Brutus and Adjoa Andoh (Martha's mum) as Portia. Who were both really fucking amazing, though the guy playing Antony (Ray Fearon) completely stole the show with his brilliant interpretation of the "Friends, Romans, Countrymen" speech.

Anyway. So Arthur Darvill is apparently a really talented musician as well as a lovely actor, and I basically spent the whole show like ♥_♥ and the rest of the cast was quite talented as well and I'm more than a little bit in love right now.

Seriously, incidental enjoyment of Who actors aside, seeing these two wildly different but equally good productions in the past week and a half has very much driven home that to me, the theatre is a sacred space. There is nothing in the world that transfixes me quite like live theatre. It's not -- Broadway, or being fond of a television actor on a stage. It's just that the experience of sitting in an audience with living people twenty or fifty feet away from you creating a whole other world on a stage -- it's unlike any other feeling in the world. I feel more fully alive when I'm in a theatre than...god, any other time. It's why, for all the stress and hassle and shitty hours and worse pay of stage management, I honestly can't imagine ever doing anything else, because the theatre is everything to me. (Also, seriously, being alone in a dark, empty theater with only a ghost light for company makes me feel more at peace than pretty much anything else. I'm a stage manager, I'm often the first person in and the last person out of a theater, so it's not an unusual situation for me. But god, it's glorious. Theatre is an empty space just brimming with potential.)

I sometimes wonder if I'm...broken, or not built right, because it seems like I don't have feelings or form emotional connections in the way normal people do. I mean, not that I don't have feelings at all, obviously, I do, but not the way people around me seem to, and I'm mostly just lonely a lot. I genuinely like most people but don't particularly connect with very many of them. I've only been sort of in love maybe once or twice in my life; I can count the people I truly consider friends on one hand and I'm well aware that I need their friendship far more than they need mine because I'm a very distant and frequently absent sort of friend. When I look into my future, I don't see much of anything for my personal life -- I haven't had sex in years, I doubt I'll ever meet anyone I want to marry (or who wants to marry me), it's extremely unlikely I'll ever have kids. Barring accidents, I'm pretty much going to grow old and die alone, and I'm slowly resigning myself to that. But god, I fall hopelessly, selflessly in love every time I step into a theater. Productions like Once and Julius Caesar completely transport me. This is why I can get so angry about commercialism and Broadway -- empty trash moneymakers like Mamma Mia! or Legally Blonde: The Musical are actively profaning that sacred space for me. (Okay, I've probably never given my Broadway Rant here, but I have one, and many people who know me IRL have heard bits of it.) Good theatre, true storytelling, is just...magical.

...this post wound up being way less about seeing Rory on Broadway than it was supposed to be. Anyway. He was really, really good? And he can sing and play guitar. For real.

arrrrrrgh

Apr. 18th, 2013 01:35 am
kaydeefalls: wash's dinosaurs: "curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" (curses! foiled again!)
Completely random: I am trying to find a Jolly Roger T-shirt by Friday morning. Your standard skull&crossbones, yarrr me mateys sort of design, no text, just the damn pirate flag on a stupid T-shirt. I found one I really liked online and ordered it two weeks ago...and near as I can tell, it hasn't even shipped yet. So now I'm almost out of time. I live in New York City, you'd think I could find a fucking T-shirt, but no luck yet. Does anyone know where I might look in NYC to find this? Like tomorrow morning? I'm gonna hit up the T-shirt shops around St Marks Place and pray.

Seriously, I bought the damn thing online two weeks in advance, I thought I was good. I mean, maybe it'll turn up tomorrow, but though I received order confirmation promptly, I haven't even gotten anything like "it shipped and here's your tracking number". Fucking hell.

(It's...totally not for anything important, really, except I've got a show opening on Friday night that involves a pirate and I'm making a tradition out of wearing something to our opening night parties that pays homage to the show, and I really really really want to show up in a Jolly Roger T-shirt, okay? I work at a kids' theater, they'll get a kick out of it, I'm trying to be the cool stage manager here.)

*collapses*

Mar. 4th, 2013 08:15 pm
kaydeefalls: "you certainly know your trash," deasey said. (i know my trash)
Operation moving: success! I am all moved in and 95% unpacked at the new place, and I am SO HAPPY to be here. Also, adorable puppy is adorable. (Did I mention my new roommate has a puppy? His name is Gadget. I'm kind of in love.) My bedroom is so very much bigger than the last one -- not that it's huge, but I can easily and comfortably fit all my bedroom furniture AND my desk, and I have room to spare to bring in a decently sized bookcase, once I find one. MY BOOKS. I HAVE MISSED THEM SO. THEY WILL RETURN TO ME SOONISH.

Parting gift from the roommate from hell: a long note reminding me to take all of my stuff and everything I had in the fridge/pantry, and CLEAN MY ROOM -- except then she actually hid all the cleaning implements. She must have tucked them away in her bedroom somewhere -- vacuum, broom, dustpan, etc, all missing. Like, I have to clean, but I have to bring all my own cleaning supplies to do it? FUCK THAT NOISE. The room was clean, anyway, but man, that really pissed me off. OH WELL, GONE NOW.

There was also like a major gala fundraising event at work this weekend, which went well, and I actually wore a dress to it. (I never wear dresses. Really never. And rarely much makeup.) After our last rehearsal with the kids, while they were waiting for their performance time (I work at a children's theater; our ensemble member are all kids aged 8-18), I ran to the bathroom to quickly change into the only dress I own and my ROCKIN' knee-high boots, and slap on a bunch of makeup, and when I came back into the room with the kids a group of the teenaged boys spontaneously broke out into applause. It was kind of hilarious. I love most of our kids a lot. (A few of them are absolute shits, of course, but mostly, they're pretty awesome.)

Next up: MORE PUPPY TIME.
kaydeefalls: erik turns the warheads around, "peace was never an option" (never an option)
Secret Mutant reveal has happened! So now I can 'fess up at last. Both of these fics drew heavily from personal experience, so fair warning, I'm about to blather on a bit.

First up, my original assignment:

Trigger Discipline (3931 words) by kaydeefalls
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Characters: Raven Darkholme, Moira MacTaggert, Erik Lehnsherr, Charles Xavier
Summary: In which Raven learns how to fire a weapon, and maybe even when not to.

Gasp! Gen fic about female characters! )

Next up, the incredibly obvious pinch-hit:

The Opposite of People (9217 words) by kaydeefalls
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Characters: Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr, Raven Darkholme, Sebastian Shaw, Alex Summers, Logan (X-Men), Armando Muñoz, Hank McCoy, Ororo Munroe, Jean Grey
Summary: In retrospect, it probably didn't help that the first time Charles met Erik Lehnsherr, the man was up a ladder in well-worn, close-fitting jeans. Modern!nonpowered!AU where they all work in the theatre, Shaw is still a bastard, and Charles is doing his best to get this damn show open with his sanity (relatively) intact.

a.k.a. the Theatre!AU I've been talking about for over a year now. Seriously, this is my ultimate id!fic. No, you don't understand, that fic is a 100% accurate and true representation of my life. )

Also I can say that my gift fic was written by [archiveofourown.org profile] ninemoons42, which was hilarious and awesome because she's one of my usual betas, and I recognized her writing style instantly. :D :D :D
kaydeefalls: chihiro/spirit sitting on train, text "and miles to go before i sleep" (miles to go)
Um. Hello? So I haven't posted in close to a month, haven't had a chance to check my dw-circle or lj-flist in close to a week, and I can't actually remember the last time I had time to have a look on tumblr. I have no idea what's been going on in fandom for a while. And I haven't had any time for writing or vidding or anything else, either, which makes me very sad, because I feel like some creative part of me must have shriveled up and died.

Basically, the production of Company I've been stage managing has been the most hellish and emotionally abusive rehearsal process I have ever endured -- the director was a purely toxic force of mismanagement and insecurity and outright obstruction of my ability to do my damn job, he treated the entire production staff and occasionally the actors like shit, and the producers did nothing constructive to step in and help until waaaay too late in the game, at which point they caused as many problems as they attempted to solve. Miraculously, the show itself is not a disaster -- the cast is great, the show looks fine, and while it's not a Great Production, it's good enough. We finally opened last night, and while I have no real confidence that the director will actually go away and leave us the fuck alone, at least the production has now become manageable. Seriously, I have never been in open battle with a director before in my life -- it runs counter to everything I've ever learned about stage management, not to mention my own personality, and I absolutely loathe confrontation -- but it's taken every ounce of energy and strength of will I possess to keep this fucking show afloat in the face of his utter horribleness as a human being. I've been in a very bad place emotionally for the past month. It's just been awful.

On top of that, I moved into a new place (in Brooklyn), which is nice enough for now. The bedroom is small but the apartment is quite nice, the neighborhood is decent, the landlord is awesome, and my roommate, though a bit anal about certain issues, is a perfectly nice person. And the rent is very cheap. I can't imagine that I'll live here for more than a year or so, but it suits what I need right now.

And I started the new job at the Kids' Theater (which I guess will be my shorthand for it on this journal), which has been stressful in a new-job sort of way, and I'm still anxious that I'll somehow be awful at it. But I really like all my coworkers and I'm hoping that I'll be able to manage the kids; my biggest issue so far has been my inability to really focus on my job there due to the dreadful time and energy suck that has been Company. It should be better now that we're open, but I just want this fucking show to be over so that I can have my life back.

Yesterday, while I was setting up for callbacks at the Kids' Theater, my dad called me to let me know that my grandmother is in the ICU. Her heart had stopped Friday night and though they resuscitated her then, she has requested they not do so again. No way of being sure when the end will come -- it's whenever she has another coughing attack or something like that, which could be a matter of hours or days, a week or so at most. I had to go straight from Kids' Theater to a final Company rehearsal, but when we released the cast for their dinner break before the show, I stole ten minutes to step outside and call her in the hospital. She was completely lucid and matter-of-fact about everything, chatted with me about what the situation was and that ninety-two years is too long of a life anyway but she's had a good one, and though she's never been the most affectionate of grandparents -- she's kind of a crusty old dame, and never had much use for kids, though she liked us well enough because we were her grandkids; her own children and grandchildren call her Dottie instead of Mom or Grandma -- she then spent like five or ten minutes reminiscing about that time she took me to a pumpkin patch when I was little without telling my parents about it, and the weeping willows at her old retirement community in New Jersey and how she'd smoke a cigarette while I played under them, and, god, saying goodbye to her left me a complete and utter wreck. I think I scared the shit out of the Company drummer when he happened to find me sobbing like a child on the sidewalk outside the stage door. So then I went inside and sobbed in a bathroom stall instead for a while, and then I washed my face and went back into the theater and ran a show. Still waiting on my dad's phone call with the final news. Could be today, could be tomorrow, could be next week. I'm not ready for it.

So that has been the rough summary of my sucktastic month. My LJ paid account lapsed and I'm not bothering to renew it, since the only thing I care about there is the icons I'm now losing. (Still checking flist for the handful of friends who haven't switched over to DW, of course, but that place is like a dead zone lately.) I'm dropping out of X-Men Big Bang; managed to sign up for Yuletide and Festivids despite have precisely zero interest in either, in the hopes that by December I'll have regained some kind of creative drive, and I need to remember to sign up for Secret Mutant before those sign-ups close. But I'm not really here right now.
kaydeefalls: chihiro/spirit sitting on train, text "and miles to go before i sleep" (miles to go)
I'm well into Company rehearsals now, which means I will be doing my best to title any and all posts over the run of the show with appropriate lyrics. Or inappropriate lyrics, as the case may be, as we discovered in music rehearsal yesterday that the version of the libretto MTI issued the cast contained the original 1970 lyrics to one particular song that are, um, incredibly offensive by 2012 standards. (Every revival since has updated that particular line to be less awful.)* But anyway. I'm having very, very mixed feelings about this production. On the one hand, the cast is fairly talented and the script and score are fantastic (duh, Sondheim) and I'm sure it'll be a good show. But there have been a lot of...behind the scenes difficulties already, and the director is kind of getting on my last nerve already, and believe me, less than a week into the process is WAY to early for that to be happening. This theater company is already displaying a STRONG resemblance to my Least Favorite DC Theatre, and just, ugh. Apparently any show I work on in the autumn is destined to make me miserable. But while I'm of course stressing out about it, I'm somehow...much less stressed than I was in this situation last year. I guess I have more confidence in my own abilities as stage manager or something, because while I'm irritated, I'm far less worried about the prospect of "failing" somehow. Like, I know this process is going to suck, but I also know I'll get through it and not make a fool of myself, because none of the problems that have been cropping up are in any way caused by me, and I've been rolling with the punches pretty damn well so far. So, yeah.

I've found an apartment! In Brooklyn, which I'm less thrilled with -- nothing against Brooklyn, just that it's a bit inconvenient to my life at the moment. But it will make my commute for Company WAY shorter, and I'm not way out in the far reaches or anything. The apartment itself is really quite nice -- smallish bedroom, but it's in a lovely townhouse and it's very well maintained and my roommate-to-be has lived there for ten years already, so I have a lot of confidence in the situation. She's also basically a clone of my favorite roommate from DC, personality-wise, which is awesome. And it's less than a five minute walk to the subway on an express line. The neighborhood itself is kind of lower-middle class, VERY diverse and family-oriented, so a bit shabby but very safe -- lots of grandmothers chatting on stoops and kids playing on the streets, which is so very stereotypically old-school Brooklyn. And the rent is...much, much cheaper than I was expecting to have to pay in NYC, which definitely makes up for the commute. I move in October 1. Here's hoping it works out.

And I've made it to the final interview stage for two different jobs, both as resident stage manager for children's theatre companies. I'm a HUGE fan of Theatre for Young Audiences and will rant at length about the importance of arts education for hours at a time, so either job would satisfy my inner bleeding-heart-liberal leanings far better than working in commercial theatre does. One pays significantly better (like twice the salary for roughly the same amount of hours per week), so realistically, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that one; but the other does arguably more important work (within the NYC public school system), and their hours would enable me to pick up additional gigs in the evenings/weekends, which the first would not. So they both have their pros and cons. Of course, now I'm sure I've jinxed myself and will be rejected from both. We'll see.

I've been utter rubbish at keeping up with fandom lately -- well, I do read my flist/dw-circle regularly, but tumblr's been far more sporadic, and I haven't been working on anything creative at all. Once my life settles into a routine rather than a whirlwind, hopefully I'll be able to get back into a fannish mindset. I did watch the latest Doctor Who, which I felt entirely MEH about, and the new Downton Abbey, which I have not seen a single post about which DISPLEASES ME GREATLY because it made my heart go all a-flutter and Branson is my new favorite and why is no one else squeeing about this?

*The lyrics in question: in the original version -- "I could understand a person if it's not a person's bag / I could understand a person if a person was a fag"; now updated to "I could understand a person if he had to go away / I could understand a person if he happened to be gay." Oh, 1970. (The composer/lyricist who wrote it, Stephen Sondheim, is himself openly gay. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. Mostly, oh, 1970.)
kaydeefalls: theater as viewed from the wings (i live on the stage)
HELLO. So my life has been a bit crazy for the past couple of weeks, and will continue to be crazy for the next week and a half. Basically, three shows in rep, and each goes into tech one after another. Last week was Xanadu tech, this week is the children's show, next week is Kiss of the Spider Woman (♥ ♥ ♥). And then my life becomes very easy for the rest of the summer. But right now? Okay, so I spent four hours this morning in tech, then I just finished up a Skype interview for a possible next job, now I'm going to go into five hours of Kiss rehearsal, then we have a Xanadu performance tonight. Three weeks straight of working 10-14+ hour days with one day off per week. I may be losing my mind a little bit. Oh, theatre.

For those of you who've heard about the massive Colorado wildfires, I'm lucky enough to live in like the only county in the state that's NOT on fire at the moment. We've even had rain for the past few days. VERY LUCKY. To those of you who are far too close to the fires for comfort, please be safe. ♥

I spent my day off this week going to the movies. Saw Snow White and the Huntsman, finally. I liked it a lot! It wasn't a GREAT movie, but it hit all my fairy tale storytelling kinks, so I am content. And then I went home and wrote 3000 words of Snow White/Huntsman fic instead of finishing my X-Men Reversebang. *facepalm* Fuckses. But the Snow White fic just needs a scene or two to be done, and as soon as I have a minute to myself, I intend to finish it, dammit. Because obviously I prioritize fandoms no one cares about over a fic in my primary actual fandom that has an actual deadline. WRITER FAIL.

Righto, off to rehearsal.
kaydeefalls: calvin and hobbes bopping butts (bop.)
Dearest fandom, today is my birthday. And I shall celebrate by being in tech at the theater for at least twelve hours straight. \o/?

In tech for Xanadu, no less. The theatre snob in me cringes every time I tell anyone that, but in perfect honesty, I have to admit that this show is a lot more fun (and funnier!) than I was expecting. It's still flash and trash musical comedy, yes, but secretly, I am enjoying it. Still. TECH. >_<

I'm so glad to be working in theatre full-time, though, you have no idea. Even though I'm completely disconnected from the outside world and have lost all sense of, say, what "weekends" are, because weekends are days I work just as long (if not longer) than weekdays. I'm working roughly 60-70 hours a week at the moment. Being in rehearsal for three shows in rep at once is no joke. But tomorrow is my day off, so I shall sleep late and maybe take a walk by the lake or see a movie or something, and try to get closer to finishing the X-Men Reversebang. So that will be good.

Speaking of XMRB, I've been participating in a few of the chats, and that's been surprisingly fun! I mean, I'm not really a chatty person -- almost never chat with anyone online at all. It's too distracting for me; I feel like I have to pay too much attention to holding up my end of the conversation even if I don't have anything in particular to say, and that stresses me out. But the XMRB chats have been very friendly, and there are enough other people involved that I don't feel pressured to Be Interesting And Talkative At All Times, so it's been nice. And strangely productive for my fic. I'll miss those once the challenge is done.

Shit, it's almost 8:20am, I need to get my ass to the theater. Happy birthday to me!

tonys

Jun. 10th, 2012 09:42 pm
kaydeefalls: history: just one fucking thing after another (thank you mr. rudge)
Okay, I thought Hugh Jackman's bit with his wife was pretty darn cute, but most adorable Tony acceptance speech definitely goes to James Corden. TIMMS! YOU HAVE A TONY! (Also known to Doctor Who fans as Craig from "The Lodger" etc.)

I ♥ James Corden quite a bit, okay. And he managed to beat out James Earl Jones, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Frank Langella, AND John Lithgow for the award -- all of whom, I'm pretty sure, have already won Tonys or, y'know, Oscars. That's pretty damn impressive.

It's been a few years since I watched the Tonys, but our actors were talking about them all day, so I figured I might as well. I'm a little sad that Follies isn't winning anything, but such is life.

Have been kept VERY busy with three shows in rehearsals at once. But I have actually been making decent progress on the Reversebang. Maybe I will actually have a complete draft by the deadline? Probably? I've also gotten my roommate hooked on Doctor Who; he's just started S2. \o/

Also my birthday is in one week. Which I shall celebrate by being in nine straight hours of rehearsal for two different shows. Eh, whatever.

YAY NINA ARIANDA WON! And she told Christopher Plummer he was her first crush. That's adorable. Also, Audra McDonald is a flawless human being. As is Neil Patrick Harris, but that kind of goes without saying.
kaydeefalls: turnleft!rose is fierce in front of TARDIS: "further to fly" (further to fly)
HI I AM ALIVE I SWEAR.

Have been more or less completely disconnected from fandom for a week. Moving most of the way across the country is kind of a process, FYI. But I am here and more or less moved in and oh god I haven't even thought about my Reversebang in a week, fuck. I fail at fandom. But not at life, which is a nice change! Though the next month is basically going to be insane for me. Well, the next three months, but June in particular. We're doing three shows in rep, so the first month is a rotating wheel of hell of rehearsals and tech and openings. Once the shows are open and running, it will be much less crazy.

BUT LOOK WHERE I'M LIVING GUYS.

mountains

And this is one of the LESS attractive views from this town. One of these days I'm going to actually go down to the lake to take some proper pictures. Basically, I'm right next to a gorgeous lake in the Rockies, so everywhere you look are MOUNTAINS and SKY and LAKE and it's pretty much scenery!porn all the way, plus beautiful weather (so far). The downside is adjusting to the altitude -- 9000 feet above sea level is no joke, FYI. There's just not as much oxygen up here. I haven't felt the effects too badly so far. Just more tired and thirsty than usual, and wow, a little bit of alcohol goes quite a long way.

So, yes! Hopefully now that the furor of moving has died down and I've got something resembling a regular-ish schedule, I can return to my regularly scheduled fandom. But it's funny how much less important writing fic is to me when I'm actually doing something that makes me happy in RL.
kaydeefalls: nixon proffers flask (i need a goddamn drink)
Still alive! Got sucked back into the vortex of tech for another week there, it's always a bit strange reemerging. Have been trying to respond to comment backlog, with only moderate success. Also catching up on Tumblr is terrifying, still.

This show has been both less difficult and more stressful than the last, which is weird and hard to explain, but we opened last night and I think it's come together well. So that's okay. Yesterday was my first day back at day job from my "vacation" in tech, and within two hours, I got into an actual shouting match with my boss. O_O This is...not normal for me, to say the least. It was both deeply frustrating and incredibly embarrassing, and I'm still really pissed. My boss is not a good manager, and another member of our team has gotten into it with him on multiple occasions, but normally I'm the sort of person to swallow back my anger and keep my head down -- I hate confrontation -- but this time, I just...snapped. Since then he's been alternating between making occasional passive-aggressive digs at me or just ignoring me outright, like the mature professional adult he is. UGH, sorry, I'm just so frustrated right now. But it's only for a few more weeks, as I've been constantly reminding myself.

Need to get back into some kind of fannish mindset, for both WIPs and Reversebang. But this show only runs for another week, and then I have only the day job for a month of counting down to getting the fuck out of here, so that should be good writing time. Hopefully. I wish I were the sort of writer who can just pick up a fic and write whenever I have a spare ten minutes, but unless the ideas are just burning out of me, I don't function like that. I need a solid chunk of time to destress and get into the right headspace, and then I can write for hours at a stretch without a break, but that's not a luxury I've had over the past few weeks. I miss it.

so.

Apr. 6th, 2012 12:46 pm
kaydeefalls: turnleft!rose is fierce in front of TARDIS: "further to fly" (further to fly)
I got the job.

Looks like I'm moving to Colorado at the end of May.

\o/!!!!!
kaydeefalls: Big Bird and CJ Cregg share a bench (just another day at the office)
I have emerged from the depths of tech, and I already miss it so badly I could scream. There's nothing quite like taking a "vacation" from your day job to work a week straight of 12-hour days in a high-stress environment to get your priorities straight. I spent the past week watching five puppeteers in wetsuits manipulate strange fabrics in a giant water tank while calling lights in synch with Berlioz's "Symphonie Fantastique" as performed by a classical pianist, dealing with four hoses and pumps and leaks and ACTUAL TONS OF WATER and one puppeteer's injury and another's illness and a finicky and occasionally combative pair of producers and a revolving door crew of college-aged stagehands with varying degrees of experience and aptitude while learning the most technically intricate lighting cues I've ever called pretty much on the fly with no days off or much free time to speak of, and while "happy" is a strange and strong word, I've been more content with my life in this week than at any point in the past year. This morning I returned to my day job, and within an hour, all that positive energy had completely drained away.

My day job is in an aesthetically pleasing and geographically convenient building, with huge windows and plenty of daylight; I get along well with all of my coworkers and believe passionately in the mission of the organization. The job is relatively low-stress and after two and a half years, I can pretty much do it in my sleep. I receive a very fair wage and decent benefits for minimal effort. And I would pretty much rather stab my eyes out with a rusty spork than drag myself to work in the morning.

And as I finished writing that sentence, I got an e-mail from one of the many, many full-time theater jobs I've applied for in the past few months requesting an interview. My (completely silent) reaction was noticeable enough that two people passing through the lobby joked that something good must've just happened.

So, yeah, it's time to move on out.
kaydeefalls: walking across the bridge, lincoln memorial at night (back to work)
Why hello there, self-doubt, how lovely to see you again. blah blah angstcakes )

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. So, is LJ completely dead these days, or is it just me? Is the great fandom migration officially shipping over to Tumblr? Because every morning, I check first DW, then LJ, then Tumblr; DW has moderate activity, maybe 5-10mins of browsing, LJ takes maybe 2 mins at most, and then Tumblr provides a good half hour of entertainment at least. Which makes me a little sad, because I genuinely prefer text-based fandom interaction over reblogging photos, but if that's where all the activity is... Anyway, I'm kaydeefalls over at Tumblr, unsurprisingly, if that's your thing.
kaydeefalls: kim&jeremy&dana running sports night (control room)
I'm back on another show now (started last Tuesday), which means I pretty much dropped off the face of the internets for the past week. It's been fun readjusting to running eight performances a week all over again, and this show's a bit more labor intensive than the last few. Less stressful, because I've taken over as ASM and am only running backstage rather than the entire production, but there's a whole lot of crap to run backstage on this one. Two-hour show, ninety solid minutes of preshow prep and about half an hour of postshow, and I'm on my feet doing shit for all but maybe half an hour or so of all that, scattered in small bits and bobs throughout. Which is totally fine and doable -- it's not like I'm working a 12-hour shift waiting tables or anything actually taxing -- but it's taking a little adjusting to. My last couple of shows at this theater were much lower key during the performances themselves -- I got through all of A:tLA on last winter's show, and wrote bucketloads of XMFC fic during the summer show. For this one, not so much with the down time. And I didn't check DW/LJ/Tumblr at ALL over the weekend, so spent most of my downtime at the day job today catching up. Still, it means my internet/writing time will be greatly curtailed for the next few weeks while this show's running. Such is life. Also, I'm tired, man, I'd forgotten how brutal getting home at 11:30pm every night and getting right back up again at 6:30am for the day job with only Monday nights off can be. But it's a good show, lovely cast and production team, so I'm not sorry. It's more that I wish this were my ONLY job.

Not feeling very optimistic on the getting-out-of-DC front at the moment. I applied for about ten different summer theater gigs, and have only gotten one interview out of the whole batch. But pretty much the only thing that gets me to work in the mornings is telling myself that it's only for a few more months. If that turns out to be a lie...I don't know. My morale at my day job is absolute shit these days. I want out very, very badly. And I'd vastly prefer to leave FOR another job rather than just leave for no reason but my own unhappiness. It's an easy job, decent paycheck, great benefits, good organization. It's just that I've been there for two and a half years and I'm so bored I could weep and I'm just flat out sick of answering fucking phones all day every day with no end in sight. Urg. Being unhappy all the time is exhausting, y'all.

Way behind on responding to comments and things. Also, totally forgot to pimp out [community profile] white_lotus, which everyone who loves Avatar: the Last Airbender should really be checking out because the Lunar New Year exchange is awesome. I got a very sweet Katara/Zuko fic, Waiting to Spark, which people should read because yay! And it handles Mai and Aang very respectfully, albeit offscreen, which is important to me. I realize that I happen to ship a pairing that's at the epicenter of a very ugly shipwar in the fandom, which saddens me because I just love all the characters so much, okay, why can't we all just ship whoever we want without having to bash other people's favorite characters/ships in the process? I do not understand fandom in this way. ANYWAY. This fic doesn't do that. And it's very IC for both Katara and Zuko a few years down the line, and it makes me very happy. The end. :) Not sure how obvious my own contribution to the exchange is, so feel free to guess once everything's been posted. As always, I'll make you a thing.

And...yeah. So that's stuff. We apologize for the stultifying dullness of this post.
kaydeefalls: toye & lip will fuck your shit up if you don't shut the fuck up and watch the goddamn film (toye & lip's special hell)
Roommate moving out tonight. Like, she started packing her stuff up with a couple of friends at 9:15pm. On a weeknight. And since I have to collect her keys from her when she's out, I have to wait up until she's done. Of the long list of petty inconveniences she's caused me over the past couple of weeks, this isn't really a big deal, but damn it, I'm tired and I've got to be up at 6:30am for work as usual and I just want to go to sleep. Aaand she just left on her first run, and will be back for the remainder in another 40 mins or so. DAMNIT.

At least this should be the end of THIS roommate drama. Which, really, you don't want to know and I don't want to type it all up.

New roommate moving in probably Friday morning. I like her a lot, all of the twice I've met her. But good personality & responsibility vibes, strong enough that as soon as she left after I'd shown her the place I already knew I wanted her. (And unlike leaving!roommate, who was very nice but I didn't feel entirely comfortable with, and felt rushed/pressured to choose her because I was running out of time.) So here's hoping.

And I had a long phone interview this evening for a potential 5-month summer theater job. It went pretty well, though of course I don't know how many other people are being interviewed or how well any of THEM did. Fingers crossed, anyway. (And a local theater I've never worked with just e-mailed me offering me a gig in May. Which I turned down, because I've heard mixed things about working with them and, well, because I'm hoping for one of the summer theaters to come, but still. It's always a good ego boost to know someone out there recommended me highly enough that a theater would be willing to hire me sight unseen.)

Life. It happens.

CLOSING.

Dec. 4th, 2011 06:54 pm
kaydeefalls: calvin and hobbes bopping butts (bop.)
MY SHOW IS DONE. \o/ That's three months of my life that I will never get back, but I survived! And I learned a lot in the process, truly. I am not sorry I stage managed this production, miserable though it made me. But I'm very, very relieved that it's over.

Oh, blissful freedom. For the next six weeks or so until the next show starts up, at least. And not counting my day job. But I get to pretend to be a normal person for a little while! And, like, see friends occasionally in real life! Assuming I still have any left after I basically shut down all personal contact for three months! *facepalm* (I also have...a lot of unreplied comments. Er. I ♥ you all, seriously, I just haven't really been on top of shit lately outside of, y'know, show.)

Now, tortellini for dinner and cookie dough for dessert. Because I deserve it, dammit.

Also, my cast gave me a Wonder Woman card. Snerk.
kaydeefalls: drunk!raven pointing at YOU (queen's gambit)
So, November, really not my month. I shall not miss it. My show closes Sunday, which is such a relief, you don't even know. I am counting down the days, guys. FREE TIME AND WEEKENDS. THEY SHALL BE MINE. (I love working in theater, really. Except when I kind of hate it.)

And my new!roommate moved in Monday. She's very nice, but still, the adjustment period is very weird. I am sharing my apartment with a complete stranger. So weird.

Today I finally finished the draft of the next Queen's Gambit chapter and sent it off to beta, thank fucking god. I got stuck on this one dratted scene for yonks and yonks, it was very frustrating. But! Draft done now! All 11k words of it. *headdesk* (Seriously, when people post "chapters" on AO3 that are like 1k words apiece, I get really confused and kind of annoyed. Short fics are awesome, and posting in pocket-sized bursts on a kinkmeme makes total sense because, y'know, comment limits, but if you're claiming to write a multichaptered epic? 1k words isn't a chapter, it's a fucking SCENE. Just own it.) And I'm pretty sure this one is going to end up longer than Boden's Mate, which, are you fucking kidding me, why. I mean, I know why. For all the big ensemble cast and multiple POVs and plot twists, Boden's Mate had one very simple storyline (Erik's revenge on Shaw). Everything else was peripheral to that -- Charles rescuing himself, Raven finding family, etc. This one, on the other hand...well, overall it's sort of Raven's revenge on Cain, but the real point of it all is Raven and Alex coming into their own. There's Raven's plotline, and then there's Alex's plotline, and the two obviously overlap a lot since they're working together, but they're still essentially two separate, parallel stories, which each have their own peripheral subplots, and that all just gets...complicated. Maybe I should've split it up into two completely separate fics -- a Cain job for Raven and a Stryker job for Alex -- but on the other hand, part of what I love in storytelling IS that messiness, all those intertwined stories and overlaps and parallels and history repeating itself and coming of age narratives and...yeah. Life is complicated and doesn't necessarily follow a linear narrative. And that's cool.

Though, christ, I set out to write a wacky heist fic and suddenly it's all about, like, people with PTSD working their shit out in really messy ways. Oh, X-Men. I ♥ this deeply fucked up dysfunctional found family SO MUCH, ugh. (Also, I am kicking myself so hard for following First Class canon and killing off Darwin before the events of Boden's Mate. Damn it. Darwin would make everything easier. Well, this is part of why I'm also poking at a prequel.)

AND THEN SEASONAL CHALLENGES ARE UPON US. Memo to self: no, seriously, you need to work on these. For my own reference:
1. Yuletide - deadline Dec 22
status: happy with assignment, need to revisit source, have vague scenario in mind but no real plot to speak of
2. Secret Mutant - deadline Dec 22
status: vague potential maybe idea? memo to self: fic does not need to be a fucking epic. The minimum is 500 words. That's like maybe an hour of writing. THIS IS NOT HARD.
3. Festivids - deadline Jan 7
status: song chosen, 1min of vid complete, just keep swimming
4. White Lotus - deadline ?
status: assignments not yet sent out, definitely not worth worrying about

And hopefully get another chapter of Queen's Gambit in there somewhere, maybe. Or the theater AU. It's a good thing I'm not starting another show until the end of January, let me tell you.

< / boring blather >
kaydeefalls: angel in sunlight, thrilled to not be on fire (angel is not on fire.)
I HAVE SURVIVED OPENING. The Show From Hell opened last night, and today I took a vacation day from day job so that I could sleep. Which I did. And now I am rested and planning on showing my apartment to a few potential roommates (ah, Craigslist), which is pretty damn productive, if I do say so myself. Possibly there will even be WRITING time later. \o/

Thank you to anyone who commented with good wishes while I was having my nuclear meltdown last week; it was MUCH appreciated, though I've been crap at responding. Late last night my director posted on facebook: "ok THAT was surely one of the smoothest press nights I've ever had. [kaydee falls] has it so together, that I very nearly relaxed." HA. (This is why I restrict my nervous breakdowns to the privacy of my home and this journal.)

Now I just have to run the damn thing for the next four weeks. No problem.

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kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
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