kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (so many possibilities)

Fic/Vid Masterlist

Hello! Look, there is a journal here. It contains much random blather, most of which is not friendslocked. I have no particular friending policy. Lurk, comment, whatever. It's all good. :D

It's possible you're just stopping by for the fanfic and vids. In which case, might I direct you to a masterlist? Also: I give blanket permission to podfic, remix, translate, or otherwise do anything creative based upon any of my works. Just please drop me a note letting me know so that I can point and squee. what you see is what you get )

X-Men Movieverse )

Marvel Cinematic Universe )

Doctor Who/Torchwood )

Avatar: the Last Airbender )

Buffy the Vampire Slayer )

Hunger Games )

Pacific Rim )

Sleepy Hollow )

Star Trek )

Multifandom )

Band of Brothers )

Harry Potter )

History Boys )

House )

Inception )

Merlin )

West Wing )

Miscellaneous )
kaydeefalls: rose/ten outside TARDIS, looking up into the sky (infinite possibilities)
hp wedding photo

And then a bunch of our friends showed up at our wedding in Harry Potter cosplay and it was awesome.
kaydeefalls: doctor & clara silhouetted (doctor&clara)
I am unemployed. Yay!

Not really yay. Yay to be out of a job that was slowly sapping away my will to live, I guess? Except for the parts of it that weren't, because it was one of the best work environments I've ever had, even though I was pretty thoroughly disillusioned with the work itself.

I'd been there for more than two years, had a great rapport with my boss and coworkers, was given great performance reviews every year. And just before Christmas, my boss and I sat down for a "goals-setting" meeting, and since he has always presented himself as my mentor, I spoke honestly about how the US election made me reevaluate my priorities and I wanted to find a way to transition back into nonprofits or at least work that made me feel like I was making more of a tangible difference in the world, and that I wasn't leaving but I was looking, and would keep him fully apprised every step of the way because I trusted him and believed in him etc etc etc, and a week later he came back and told me that for the good of the company's bottom line, my last day would be March 10th (so that I could hire and train my successor).

So that happened. On the plus side, I now know for sure that this company's values DEFINITELY do not align with my own, and I'm glad to be rid of them. The month I spent training my replacement (who, for the record, is a straight boy right out of college with no experience, which makes me feel super shitty about my life for the past two years if I was that easily replaceable by an infant male) was just...not good. So being out of there is definitely a net plus for my mental health.

Unemployment, obviously, less so. I'm too experienced at this point for admin assistant-level positions, but I haven't seen much to apply for at my actual level. I've been on hold for a job I REALLY want for over a month now -- made it through interviews etc, she even contacted my references and passed my application on to the CEO, and now I'm in a holding pattern of nothingness because they're "undergoing some restructuring" and I just saw the same job posted earlier this week with a slightly different title attached to it, so...yeah. And I've been applying for anything reasonable I can find, but it's a lot fewer and further between than I'd like. At the same time, having just left employment that left me feeling utterly drained and unhappy, I'm not exactly willing to jump at a job that looks even worse.

Look, you've all been there (or are currently there too), I don't need to belabor the point. It just sucks. I've spent my first week of joblessness mostly playing Civ to avoid the real world. I will probably continue to do that for a bit. It's also the first real vacation I've had in years, so, trying to focus on the positive here. I've finally caught up on my sleep. That's nice.

But hey, if anyone in NYC could use a kickass ex-stage manager who wants to do arts/education/nonprofit programs administration, by all means shoot me a link.
kaydeefalls: rose/ten outside TARDIS, looking up into the sky (infinite possibilities)
Happy 2017. May it be better. Just better.

Look, I managed to write a thing in time for Yuletide Madness, at least.

Selected Moments in Introductory Symbology (5685 words) by kaydeefalls
Fandom: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Lyra Belacqua/Will Parry, Lyra Belacqua/Original Character
Characters: Lyra Belacqua, Dame Hannah Relf, Serafina Pekkala, Master of Jordan College
Additional Tags: Coming of Age, Bisexuality, Boarding School, University, Original Character(s), Women Being Awesome, Female Friendship, Misses Clause Challenge
Summary: Lyra in Oxford after the Fall, relearning the alethiometer and discovering a life of her own.
kaydeefalls: peggy on brooklyn bridge (peggy in brooklyn)
Alright, party people, I emerge from the aether seeking some inspiration. I've got a vague kernel of a vid idea, and I need your help! Could you give me suggestions of badass moms/wives in media fandoms? Sci-fi/fantasy/action genres, preferably. And while my preference is mothers, wives / girlfriends are also awesome.

I'm trying to show the perspective of women who are normally pigeonholed into the "wife" or "mother" role who actually get some agency of their own. Along the lines of Molly Weasley (HP), Abbey Bartlett (West Wing), Dana Scully (X-Files). Main or supporting characters welcome. Preferably those who do not exist solely to be fridged (a la Amanda Greyson in the Star Trek reboot) since I've already made THAT vid, although since media sucks when it comes to women, I'll gladly take characters who at least get SOME agency of their own before they're killed off for the sake of the dude's angst (i.e. Freya in Thor).

And yeah, Ripley in Aliens 2 totally counts.

Any and all suggestions welcome! I'm so far out of fandom right now, I have no idea wtf is going on in media these days, but I'm trying here. And thanks in advance!
kaydeefalls: doctor & clara silhouetted (doctor&clara)
Someone tell the story,
Someone sing the song.
Every now and then
The country
Goes a little wrong.
Every now and then
A madman's
Bound to come along.
Doesn't stop the story-
Story's pretty strong.
Doesn't change the song...

(Stephen Sondheim)

I love you all. We'll get through this. Because we have to.
kaydeefalls: rose/ten outside TARDIS, looking up into the sky (infinite possibilities)
Dreamwidth informed me that my paid account is going to expire this week. Then it occurred to me to wonder how long it had been since I'd even looked at DW. Or LJ. Tumblr I hit up occasionally, because it's easier to spend a few minutes browsing pretty pictures than catching up on actual people's lives.

I missed signing up for both Festivids and Yuletide. I'm actually really bummed about missing the Yuletide deadline. I've participated every single year since its inception. I feel like a part of me has died somehow now.

I haven't written a word of fic since last year's Yuletide. I haven't poked at a vid since March. I haven't felt engaged with any fandom whatsoever in months and months, not even the ones I still care about (like MCU -- I am still watching the movies, at least, though I've dropped all the TV shows). I think it's related to my job, because I can pretty clearly trace the death of my inner creativity to starting this job almost two years ago. Which is a shitty thing to say, since I do like many aspects of my job, and it does engage that part of my brain pretty thoroughly. Just not in a fun way, and I'm starting to really resent the trade-off. I think I lost something pretty crucial to my sense of self, there, and I don't know how to reclaim it.

I'm not unhappy. In most ways, my life is actually going really great. And I wouldn't mind losing fandom so much if I were still feeling creatively fulfilled in other ways. I'm just...not. And it's hard to feel like I stepped out of a community and the door just sort of shut behind me and nobody really noticed or cared, but I know that's the self-pity talking.

On the plus side, I'm getting married apparently? Which is a bizarre concept. Basically a person said "HEY I LIKE YOU LET'S HANG OUT UNTIL ONE OF US DIES" and I was like "...sounds legit." So, you know, that's a thing. Fuck weddings, though, weddings are bullshit and stressful and I want nothing to do with them. We're just gonna throw a party on a mountain and hope people don't notice the part where we don't actually have any kind of public ceremony.

She likes reading my fanfiction. She's pretty pissed that I haven't written anything new lately, too. So the not-writing thing really isn't her fault.

I guess I'm gonna let the paid account expire quietly. It's not like I need the extra icons when I'm not posting anything. I'm gonna miss my custom mood theme, though.

Catch you later.


Jun. 20th, 2016 08:59 am
kaydeefalls: toby&josh&donna, soaking wet, seeing the news on tv (bad news)
Aw, Anton Yelchin, no.

I've been very disconnected from fandom lately. I want to change that.


Apr. 22nd, 2016 08:29 pm
kaydeefalls: charles looking at erik with hearts in his eyes omg (charles/erik)
Apparently I'm a Buzzfeed quiz response. (Click "X-Men".)

I'm...not sure how I feel about this.

In other news, I'm moving in with my girlfriend on Sunday. So that's a thing that's happening.
kaydeefalls: eddie izzard as mr. kite in his wacky flying contraption (being for the benefit of mr. kite)
So then I took a bunch of movies and TV shows and musical artists that I know my girlfriend loves and/or that we watched together and mashed them together into a multifandom joy vid. Like you do. This is a super eclectic mixtape, guys. SUPER ECLECTIC.

Oh What A World
edited by kaydee falls
Music: "Oh What A World", by Rufus Wainwright
Summary: Wouldn't it be a lovely headline? A multifandom joy vid.
Disclaimer: not mine, no profit, don't sue.
Download: Mediafire (.mov, 111MB)

On Tumblr | Vimeo

Fandoms: Across the Universe, Amelie, Avatar: the Last Airbender, Ani DiFranco, Band of Brothers, Better than Chocolate, Blow Dry, Breakfast Club, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, Eddie Izzard, Firefly, Hamilton, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Inside Out, Leverage, Lord of the Rings, Man from UNCLE, Muppet Christmas Carol, Muppet Family Christmas, Pirate Radio, Pride & Prejudice, Queer As Folk, Rufus Wainwright, Sherlock, Stardust, Star Wars: Force Awakens, West Wing, Willow, X-Men

lyrics )
kaydeefalls: "please explain to be the scientific nature of the whammy." (slightly skeptical)
...wait, I'm supposed to post things when I make them? Shit. I have become so bad at fandom, guys. So, so bad. Anyway, Festivids happened a few weeks ago and I made a thing.

So this happened. Because there's nothing quite like choosing a song that's all about sex metaphors and then taking the lyrics 100% literally. At least I amuse myself, right?

Shut Up and Drive
Fandom: Speed (1994)
Music: "Shut Up and Drive" by Weep, covering Rihanna
Summary: Got all the drive but a whole lot of boom in the back.
Disclaimer: not mine, no profit, don't sue.
Download: Mediafire (.mov, 89 MB)

On Vimeo | Tumblr

lyrics )
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
Look, it is 2016. Due to the cycles of how dance seasons are delineated at my job, I've actually been working on the 2016 season since like June, so it's vaguely baffling to me that other people have been in 2015 for so long. It feels more like the rest of the world has finally caught up to the correct year.

(If that doesn't make sense, I should also note that due to mild but aggravating illness, I haven't managed to sleep through the night for about a week now, which means I'm basically slogging through a haze of mildly disgruntled exhaustion at this point. I've never had virus-induced insomnia before. It's a pain in the ass.)

I did manage to accomplish Yuletide at the last minute, go me. So here's mine:

No Exit (2424 words) by kaydeefalls
Fandom: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Illya Kuryakin & Napoleon Solo
Characters: Illya Kuryakin, Napoleon Solo, Gaby Teller
Additional Tags: goddamn it why do i have to save your life again, one-upmanship, Keeping Score, 5+1 Things
Summary: Five examples (out of a much, much longer list) of times Illya has had to save that damn cowboy from certain death. (And once they both fail miserably.)

My recipient specifically requested NO SLASH. Which I'm fine with on general principle -- the heart wants what the heart wants! -- but it was surprisingly difficult to write a pairing that I DO ship pretty hard as gen. (This isn't usually an issue for me, but in a year where writing ANYTHING has been like pulling teeth, it's hard to make myself write something that I wouldn't normally choose to read.) And a small, petty part of my brain thinks that I'd have gotten a lot more hits if I'd been permitted to make it even mildly shippy. But whatever, it was fun to write once I got into the groove (last-minute panic always helps), and I very much hope the recipient enjoyed it!


I don't make New Year's resolutions, but if possible, I would very much like to rejoin fandom properly this year. I miss you guys. ♥
kaydeefalls: winters silhouette on paris street at night (another winter in a summer town)
Possibly I should start writing my Yuletide fic at some point.

I totally misread the deadline as Sunday night, incidentally, not 4am Sunday morning. Whoops. So that's a day of frantic writing I don't have, and I have zero free time between now and then apart from, um, the next hour or so before I fall asleep, and likewise after 11pm tomorrow night and between like 1am and 4am Sunday morning.

Sunday I have all day off, of course. Which doesn't help at all apparently.

Go me?
kaydeefalls: bucky & steve in the snow (winter is coming)
Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and move on with your life. This is one of those fics.

Because I need to post ONE goddamn fic in the year 2015 or what the hell am I here for?

leave your life open (you don't have to hide) (39457 words) by kaydeefalls
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov, Maria Hill, Thor (Marvel), Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Brock Rumlow, Antoine Triplett
Summary: "Let's say, best case scenario, we find your buddy and he remembers everything pre-1945 and he miraculously works his way through the rest of his trauma and comes out relatively sane on the other end. What comes next for you?" Good question.
(Sequel to somebody hears you. (you know that.) Takes place somewhere between Winter Soldier and SHIELD season 2, definitely pre-Ultron.)

So now I just have to write Yuletide. Here's hoping THAT doesn't take me a year and a half.
kaydeefalls: winter soldier holding cap's shield (winter soldier)


kaydeefalls: angel in sunlight, thrilled to not be on fire (angel is not on fire.)
At least I managed to get my shit together enough to sign up for Yuletide. I realize that I haven't posted a fic in ten months. Doesn't matter. I've done Yuletide every year since it started, literally every single year that Yuletide has existed, I am physically incapable of skipping Yuletide even if I have no interest in writing anything ever again. I did break my own rule this year and offered a few fandoms I've already written, because maybe the familiarity will help with the writer's block thing. So it's likely to be a retread year for me. But that's okay.

Gonna pound out a few questions on the fanfic meme now, because none of these are long answers.

4 – Do you have a "muse" character, that speaks to you more than others, or that tries to push their way in, even when the fic isn't about them? Who are they, and why did that character became your muse?

Nope. I don't even know what that means, in a practical sense. Like, I know what a muse is, although I've never used that metaphor in relation to my own writing, but there are no characters who do that to me. Yes, there are characters I relate to better, who are easier or more fun to write. But they're not my "muse." I don't have a muse. That's not how my brain works.

5 –If you have ever had a character try to push their way into a fic, whether your "muse" or not, what did you do about it?

Bzuh? Either I'm writing about a character or I'm not. Some characters are fun to include in cameos, in which case I include them. There's no "pushing their way in". Again, my brain does not work the way this meme does, apparently.

6 – When you write, do you prefer writing male or female characters?

SIGH. History would indicate that I "prefer" male characters. This is not anything inherent to their maleness. It's generally more of a commentary on what characters are more well-developed in canon, because those are the ones I want to explore further (with some notable exceptions). I do feel like an asshole for not writing Natasha much (MCU), because she fascinates me, but I can't get into her head at all. But yes, I'm also aware that internalized misogyny is a big thing, and yes, that's probably part of why I have a tendency to write more dudes than ladies. I'm a shitty lesbian feminist sometimes.

the rest of the days )
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
I did mention that I wouldn't manage to post every day, right?

3 – For each of the fandoms from day two, what were your favorite characters to write?

Now I remember why I haven't continued this meme in a while! Because it took so freaking long to list the fandoms on day 2, and now I gotta do that shit all over again! Sigh.

Lotrips - all I ever cared about were the hobbits (and occasionally Orli). I honestly don't remember having a particular favorite one of them to write. Probably Dom, because he was my favorite in general. Dom was fun. Elijah was mostly fun to write from other characters' POVs, because let's face it, he was basically an overgrown puppy at that point.

X-Men - I tend to prefer Erik POV overall. His perspective is sharp and clean and straightforward. It's a lot harder for me to get into Charles's head. In the Boden's Mate verse, though, Alex was far and away my favorite to write.

HP - Remus, always. Always and always. I enjoyed writing Sirius a lot in the Marauders era (and just the Marauders in general), but I wouldn't touch post-Azkaban Sirius POV with a ten-foot pole. I'm fairly certain that every single post-POA fic I wrote was Remus POV instead (with one glaring exception being The Love Song of Sirius Black, which was something else entirely, but even then I shied away from confronting his experience in Azkaban).

Doctor Who / Torchwood - Um, Ianto, obviously. ;) Although the time or two I wrote John Hart was SUPER FUN.

LotR - eh. I guess Merry or Pippin. I only cared about the hobbits, again.

History Boys - SCRIPPS! I might over-identify with Scripps slightly. Except for the religion thing. There I'm more of a Posner.

House - Well, House. Because it's very freeing to write from the POV of someone who has zero fucks to give.

MCU - Bucky in terms of POV, but in terms of side characters, toss-up between Sam and Tony. Because dialogue.

I'm not gonna bother with the rest, I didn't write enough to play favorites.

the rest of the days )
kaydeefalls: "you certainly know your trash," deasey said. (i know my trash)
Okay, The Martian. So that was awesome. But most importantly, A+++ nerd self-awareness. spoilers only for one-line jokes and casting )
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
2 – Name the fandoms you've written in, and how much you've written in that fandom, and if you still write in it.




If you want the full list, my AO3 account is right here. I've done a lot of one-off fandoms (and a LOT of Yuletide), so for the purposes of this meme, I'm only going to list fandoms I've written at least two full length fics in (not just drabbles), because YE GODS.

-LOTR RPS: 46 fics, ~100,000 words - nope, left that one behind years ago (but it was a great ride!)

-X-Men Movieverse: 20 fics, ~282,000 words - still active, though less so at the moment, but this is far and away my longest-running fandom (since I've been writing in it on and off since 2002)

-Harry Potter: 15 fics, ~75,000 words - no longer writing

-Doctor Who / Torchwood (and yes, I'm combining these, because I used Who elements in all of my TW fics and often vice versa, it's all one big Whoniverse to me): 14 fics, ~160,000 words - no longer active, but it's still a possibility

-LotR: 8 fics, ~18,000 words - no longer writing

-History Boys: 4 fics, ~18,000 words - technically not active, but this one pops onto my Yuletide list on the regular (3 out of those 4 fics), so will probably write again eventually

-House, MD: 4 fics, ~7000 words - no longer writing

-MCU: 3 fics (ALMOST 4 I SWEAR), ~17,000 words (which will jump by 40k very shortly) - obviously, still writing in this one

-West Wing: 3 fics, ~6800 words - no longer writing

-Merlin: 2 fics, ~6700 words - no longer writing

-Firefly: 2 fics, ~15,000 words - honorable mention, since I've got an ongoing X-Men AU in that 'verse (not included in totals here)

Another honorable mentions to Inception - I've only technically written one fic in it, but I've used it as a fusion 'verse in a BIG way. Also, pre-LJ, I primarily wrote in X-Files and RENT. There is likely still evidence of this lingering like a miasma in the foul depths of the interwebs, but damned if I'm gonna go looking for it now. So no, I am no longer active in those fandoms.

all of the days )

fanfic meme

Oct. 4th, 2015 08:50 pm
kaydeefalls: The Last Unicorn by Samantha Darko (i write the bestest stories)
All right, fuck this noise, I want to get back into a fannish mindset. After posting about my lack of fannishness on Friday night, I promptly opened my Steve/Bucky WIP of Doom and stayed up until 2am revising & completing it. Which makes it the first fic I've completed in 2015. SIGH. But still! That's in beta now, and I don't actually want it to be the ONLY fic I complete in 2015, so I need to start thinking about fic again. With that in mind, stealing the "30 Days of Fanfic" meme from [personal profile] escritoireazul (and probably other people as well).

I won't actually post every day, but I'll get through it eventually.

1 – How did you first get into writing fanfic, and what was the first fandom you wrote for? What do you think it was about that fandom that pulled you in?
X-Files! I was thirteen and obsessed with the show, and found an AOL chatroom devoted entirely to X-Files discussion. (Yeah, it's dated, but at least it wasn't an IRC chat!) Finally, a community of fans just as obsessive as I was! At some point, someone there must've linked to fanfic, and the idea of CONTINUING THE STORY hit alllll of my little thirteen-year-old buttons. I started reading anything I could find, particularly once I figured out what MSR meant. (Mulder/Scully Romance, FYI.) My bitty shipper heart grew three sizes that day. The show itself was awesome, but there were people out there writing the stories the show never actually told! Where Mulder and Scully finally, like, kissed! Very exciting. And since I'd been writing short stories since I was a small child, it wasn't much of a leap to writing my own fanfic, too.

My first fic was a character study of Agent Pendrell, oddly enough. Go figure.

all the days )
kaydeefalls: abbie studies casefile (abbie mills)
Ok, so I've basically been on an extended fandom hiatus lately. Haven't written or vidded anything in months (though I occasionally poke at a couple of WIPs), am reading fic primarily from my old fandoms rather than anything current (Star Trek reboot and Merlin have both been prominently featured in my reading list lately), only check DW/LJ once a week and Tumblr even less frequently. Between work, Gay Geeks, and navigating a new relationship, my real life has been...busy. (Yes, the girlfriend thing is official, and she's even spent a weekend with my parents now. So there's that. Getting serious happens a lot quicker when you've already been friends for a couple of years, apparently.)

Still not sure when I'm gonna get back in the swing of things. (I'd really thought that the Man From UNCLE movie would kick me back into gear, because it hit a lot of my fannish buttons in truly delightful ways, but apparently not.) But hey, with the fall comes the beginning of the TV season, so, y'know, maybe it's time. Doctor Who is not doing it for me much, still, though I <3 Missy. However, I just watched the season premieres of both Sleepy Hollow and Agents of SHIELD, and I am SO INTO THEM.

Sleepy Hollow - very minor spoilers )

SHIELD - again, spoilers )

So that's where I'm at. I do miss writing, but I feel like I drain all my creative energies at work, and there's just nothing left when I get home. It's frustrating, because work is not the kind of creative that leaves me feeling fulfilled in any way, but...there it goes. While I was struggling a bit last fall, too, I don't think it's a coincidence that I started this job in January and haven't posted a single fic since. I just need to find a new balance, I guess.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
After much trial and error and months of waiting, I finally saw Hamilton tonight.

I feel kind of shellshocked right now.

So, yes. It really is that good.

And wow, it hit me RIGHT in the meta-storytelling feels.
kaydeefalls: s5 buffy descending staircase (buffy sees)
Welp, tomorrow's our annual sing-along production of the Buffy musical episode. Last year I was Anya, the year before I was Tara. This year, much to my chagrin, I'm Buffy.

might as well be cosplay )


that meme

Aug. 15th, 2015 02:53 pm
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)
In a desperate bid to rekindle my interest in writing anything ever again, my turn for the meme that everyone's doing:

I currently have 173 works archived at the AO3. (Fic and vids.) Pick a number from 1 (the most recent) to 173 (the first thing I posted there), and I'll tell you three things I currently like about it.

I am actively working on a vid at the moment, at least. So creativity-wise, at least that's something. I'm pretty sure I USED to know how to write things that weren't work-related, too.


Jul. 19th, 2015 12:46 am
kaydeefalls: "you certainly know your trash," deasey said. (i know my trash)
Saw Ant-Man today. Here are my thoughts: spoilers, including post-credits scenes )


kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (Default)

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