FOR SALE: One (1) eternal soul, reasonably good condition, few stains. Yours to keep in eternum, in absentia, or however you damn well like it. Price: one (1) completed, brilliant college application, with guaranteed acceptance to said college. Will sell to first person/demon/entity with offer. MUST GO BY NOV. 1! If interested, call 1-555-DESPERATION.
...you think I'm joking? Try me.
...you think I'm joking? Try me.