but i don't wanna

Still alive! Today marks the end of the only full two-week-long vacation I've taken since, uh, 2008 (and not counting unemployment, which is NEVER a vacation). I am so not ready to go back to work tomorrow, even if just from the comfort of my own apartment. Like, the only thing getting me through my own intense burnout of the past few months was the promise of two weeks on a beach, and now that I've had that -- and it was lovely, don't get me wrong! -- I'm just. I don't know. It was very relaxing and badly needed, but now I feel like I have nothing else to look forward to, and that's CRUSHING.

Capitalism, yay.

I still feel deeply burned out and unmotivated, though slightly less exhausted. But here we go.

At least I'm being better compensated for it now? I finally got a (significant) promotion, after several years of steadily increasing responsibilities at work with no corresponding acknowledgement that my job had changed pretty much 100%, but now I have a fancy new title and noticeable raise, so. That's something. Pressure's on to prove I'm worth it, of course, but it helps that it's just...realigning my job description and title to what I'm ACTUALLY doing these days. Ugh, I am such an Adult (TM) now, I hate everything.

Fandom-wise, I hit a hard wall after five back-to-back exchange fics & vid, and basically created absolutely nothing for two solid months, which is both a symptom of and ongoing contributor to my depression. The vacation didn't kick that, exactly, but I have managed to start writing again in fits and starts, and am now actually making progress on the Poe/Finn WIP I abandoned almost two years ago. Might even finish the fucker at some point this year. Who knows? It's nice to dream.

I REALLY miss writing TOG in general and Joe/Nicky in particular, but haven't been able to latch onto any inspiration on that front, sigh. If you have any prompts looking for a good home, feel free to throw them at me. Maybe something will stick. Maybe not. I could use the push either way.

I did watch and very much enjoy Our Flag Means Death, along with everyone else, but didn't click with it in terms of fannishness. Like, from a Normal Person perspective, I am extremely enthusiastic about the show and have been trying to convince everyone I know in real life to watch it as well. But from a Fandom perspective, I'm...already kind of sick of it on tumblr? Thrilled that so many people love it, though! You do you! I just...that kind of comedy is fun for me to watch but extremely off-putting to read or write, for some ineffable reason. I've read a couple of popular fics and failed to drum up any enthusiasm for them. (A large part of this is the runaway hit ship, Ed/Stede, which I definitely support in terms of the show itself but have ZERO interest in reading fic about, because I just...kind of can't stand Stede as a character and do not want to spend any more time with him, ugh. He's a great foil for Blackbeard! And I never want to think about him in any kind of sexual situation.)

If Olu/Jim were the main fannish pairing, I might be more into it. And Lucius is probably my fave character overall. But god help me, I am 100% on Mary Bonnet's side when it comes to Stede, which is: please have a lovely life far, far away from me. I could watch Taika Waititi as Ed all fucking day, though, he is a delight.

Also, I'm already seeing a lot of all-too-familiar Discourse (TM) in the OFMD tumblr fandom, and I already dealt with the not-so-thinly-veiled racism in Old Guard fandom, guys. I'm not putting myself through that shit again. TOG is still worth it, for me, because I love the characters so deeply and have managed to find my own little happy place within the fandom at large; OFMD has neither of those draws for me. Godspeed, baby OFMD fandom. I genuinely wish you the best, but I'm gonna duck and cover for this one.

So that's where I'm at for the moment. Mostly okay, brain weasels not helping matters, but I'll get through it.