...

[kaydeefalls]

Wow. Step away from the computer for two days, and I've waded through skip=325 and a lot of WIPs and pics and stuff. Hardcore, my friends. Hardcore.

I missed WIP Amnesty Day or whatever they're calling it, but neener to you all, I'll post my little contribution to it anyway. I've got a number of WIPs, most of which I plan on finishing (yeah, right), but there was a certain orgyfic I started just before New Year's, wrote seven pages (beginning and ending bu no middle), and I know I'll never finish it (the storyline was cliched crap and I'm no good at PWPs), but it has a section of dialogue I don't want to lose. So...

They assembled after a late dinner with two bottles of Absolut Citron and four shot glasses between them. An hour and a half later, the atmosphere was considerably looser.

Orlando raised his seventh shot, a bit unsteadily. "A toast!" he announced. His enthusiasm caused some of the vodka sloshed over the side of the glass. He ignored it.

"You can't have a proper toast with shots," Billy argued primly.

"Yes, you can!"

Dom cleared his throat. "A toast!" he agreed. "To..."

"To..." Orlando tried, then trailed off.

"To sex!" Dom finally decided, for no apparent reason.

Three of them downed their shots, over Billy's protests that you just couldn't do toasts with shots.

"I have had sex with everybody in this room!" Elijah proclaimed gleefully.

Three pairs of eyes stared blankly at him. "What, even Billy?" Dom asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!"

Billy shook his head hastily. "He gave me a blow job. Once. That's all."

Elijah beamed at him. "A blow job is oral sex. It has the word 'sex' in it! I had sex with you!"

Billy turned to the other two, pleadingly. "He just sucked me off! I was very drunk. It doesn't count."

"Oral sex!"

"Oh, god," Billy groaned.

Orlando grinned over at Dom. "And you, Master Monaghan? Really? I thought all those ridiculous rumors on the internet were just, well, rumors."

Dom shrugged unapologetically. "Well, yeah, they are. Mostly."

"We had sex twice!" Elijah announced. He took another shot of vodka. The other three really didn't think he needed any more alcohol in his system, but even Billy refrained from commenting.

"Twice?" Billy asked instead. "Before or after the internet rumors started?"

"Once before, in New Zealand," Dom said. "And once all the stories started spreading, we figured, well, why not have a bit of fun for old time's sake? Everyone seemed to think we were shagging, anyway."

"Why the first time?" Orlando asked, intrigued.

Dom gave him a Look. "We were drunk and horny. Why else?"

"I am drunk and horny!" Elijah shouted.

"Yes, Elijah," Dom said. "We know."

Elijah leaned over Billy's lap to frown at him. "Why," he demanded, "is no one surprised that I had sex with Orli?"

Dom and Billy blinked at each other. "Well, really," Dom said, "who hasn't?"

"I resent that," Orli scowled.

"I haven't!" Billy protested.

"Billy, you don't count," Dom said severely. "You haven't had sex with anyone in the cast."

Orlando gaped at them. "What, not even with you, Dommie?"

"No, I have not!" Billy said, peering curiously at Orlando. "What made you think otherwise?"

"Well, it's just, I mean, it's you and Dom! How could you not have been shagging?"

Billy blinked. "I'm straight."

"Oral sex!" Elijah piped up, in case anyone had forgotten.

"I already said that didn't count!"

Elijah frowned at him. "Why not?"

"Look," Billy said exasperatedly, "it was a bloody blowjob, all right? It doesn't matter who gives it to you! A mouth is a mouth."

Dom shook his head solemnly. "But Elijah has a man mouth. Gay!"

"Elijah's lips are not particularly manly. Besides, this was back during filming. He looked a lot more girly then."

"True," Orlando commented thoughtfully.

Elijah glared at them. "I was not girly!"

Dom grinned. "Sorry, Lij, but you still are. Dubious stubble notwithstanding."

"This is not stubble! This is a goatee!"

Orlando, who had had some experience with goatees, eyed Elijah's chin critically. "Nope, sorry, that has definitely not attained goatee status."

"And it's certainly not a beard," Dom added. "Therefore, dubious stubble."

"You're one to talk," Elijah protested. "You've never had a beard, either, just that I'm-a-lazy-bum-who-can't-be-arsed-to-shave-for-a-week grungy look."

Dom smiled complacently. "My point exactly. When I don't shave for a week, I get a beard. You, on the other hand, took several months to grow that dubious stubble."

Sensing he was losing the argument, Elijah poured himself another shot of Absolut. "Oral sex," he muttered petulantly.

I am such a dialogue whore.