!

Jun. 9th, 2007 09:28 pm
kaydeefalls: turnleft!rose is fierce in front of TARDIS: "further to fly" (further to fly)
I am now a college graduate.

Huh.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (and now for something completely differe)
I think I'm really going to like this paper, once I finish taking notes and actually start writing it. Machismo and the Western man, in Death of a Salesman, True West, and M. Butterfly. Lemme get my gender studies bitch ON.

Although, really, for the record, I absolutely despise Willy Loman. I have less sympathy for him every time I read this play, and I've read it a few times over the years. Ugh. Misogynistic lying delusional bully. Maybe I just need to see a really talented actor make him sympathetic, but on the page, he's a complete jackass.

Gah, last paper EVER. I cannot get over this, I just can't. I mean, I know I'm not suited for academia, but still.

...

May. 29th, 2007 05:38 pm
kaydeefalls: vince shocked: OH MY GOD (OH my GOD!)
I sat through the last class of my undergraduate career this afternoon. I have a final Bio exam tomorrow morning, a final paper for American Contemporary Drama due Thursday, and a final class performance for Improvisation for the Actor on Friday. I graduate a week from Saturday.

I just bought my cap and gown.

Holy shit, this is actually going to happen.
kaydeefalls: The Last Unicorn by Samantha Darko (i write the bestest stories)
Yay, finals. At least I've surprised myself by writing a rather painless intro paragraph for this paper, complete with a thesis. I wasn't expecting that. Hopefully this bodes well for the rest of the paper, but I know better than to trust to luck.

But there is one good thing about my pathological procrastination. I started taking notes earlier today, and I know that by the deadline tomorrow at 5pm, it will all be over. My suffering may be great, but at least it'll be brief.

Onwards.

...shit.

Jan. 9th, 2007 10:59 pm
kaydeefalls: typewriter!christian has writer's block! (writer's block)
I have to write and perform a 2-3 min performance piece for class tomorrow. I have had no time this past week to contemplate this, but I've spent the entire day trying to come up with anything and failing miserable. Guys, I'm a theater major. This shouldn't be so difficult. But I've got nothing.

I think the play I'm directing has sucked all my creativity out of me. I seem to be physically incapable of being creative in any way that does not involve this play. And I'm going to look like an utter fool in class tomorrow. Fuckses.
kaydeefalls: "please explain to be the scientific nature of the whammy." (slightly skeptical)
One last paper to write by tomorrow afternoon, and this quarter is over. At least this one is for my Problems in the Study of Sexuality class and, therefore, is all about the gay. *waves pompoms*
kaydeefalls: chihiro/spirit sitting on train, text "and miles to go before i sleep" (miles to go)
You know, for a class I don't care about, this essay is causing me an inordinate amount of difficulty. Possibly because I'm straining so hard to write something that even vaguely interests me that I'm having trouble actually proving my thesis. Also, it's Bio. Core Bio. I'm practically the only senior in the course. So I know, logically, that I'm a better writer than most of the other people here simply on the basis of having a lot more experience writing papers. So I'm really just tripping myself up right now. But I have trouble focusing on schoolwork even when it's a subject I'm actually interested in, and biology just isn't my thing. Argh. Also, I just realized that there's a logical fallacy in my thesis -- not that my premise itself is wrong, but the paper I'm basing my thesis on doesn't directly address an important aspect of my thesis, and just...argh. This class is NOT worth the amount of brain cells I'm wasting on it tonight.

And I have a 9am design meeting for Carthaginians (the play what I'm directing next quarter), so there's really no way I'll be getting enough sleep tonight, what with this stupid bio paper and all. Bleh.

Oh, and is there no one on my f-list still even remotely involved in the HP fandom? Drat. That would explain my difficulty finding a beta. Well, I'll deal with that tomorrow. By which I mean post the fic unbetaed. Um.

bah.

Oct. 31st, 2006 07:50 pm
kaydeefalls: wash's dinosaurs: "curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" (curses! foiled again!)
I'd like to do NaNo, still, but I have a B.A. due in the first week of December, plus assorted other papers and projects. So school wins out over NaNo, I guess. Especially knowing that if I tried NaNo in spite of everything else, I'd wind up giving up halfway through when the college crunch inevitably sets in. Better not to start if I know I'm going to have to give it up in the middle. Maybe next year.
kaydeefalls: "please explain to be the scientific nature of the whammy." (slightly skeptical)
I have a midterm paper, a show proposal, and a quiz due Friday. And, of course, the usual insane amounts of reading for classes. It's not really all too stressful, because I know the amount of this sort of thing I'm capable of handling in a three-day period, and this is still within my usual range. But, yeah, still more crap than I really want to deal with.

Somehow, I think my Two Lines fic is going to be a bit late, 'cause it's just not my priority right now. I might be able to finish it, say, Friday night or Saturday, though. We'll see.

le squee

Jun. 15th, 2005 02:15 pm
kaydeefalls: frodo's ship disappearing into the sunset (frodo lives)
"The Jewels of the Sea" and its accompanying essay got an A- in my Tolkien course. The prof raved about the story. :)

NEENER.

Jun. 8th, 2005 12:07 pm
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (neener!)
I have just finished my last final paper of the school year. Those were the last words that I will write for a class at the University of Chicago until the fall of 2006. The next class I take will be in Ireland.

Fuckin' yeah!

grargh.

Jun. 7th, 2005 11:19 pm
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (gullet time!)
The past three days have consisted of nothing but paper-writing, and it looks like I'll be pulling my third all-nighter in a row tonight. But I just can't focus on this last essay. Including fic (which, remember, was written as part of a final project for my Tolkien class), I've written 35+ pages of finals since Sunday, and there are only six to seven more but I just. Can't I take one lousy night off?

And the one due tomorrow is by far the least interesting to me. Woe.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (feed my fancy)
Next up: Tolkien final, due 5pm tomorrow. Need to finish fic, then write 5-7 page paper explaining why my story has "depth" and its relationship to Tolkien's "majestic whole." Well, the fic part should be fun, at least, although no one reads it except me. :)

First, though, I believe I shall watch the last disk of LotR, to put me in a properly hobbity sort of mood...

B.A. DONE.

Jun. 6th, 2005 07:53 am
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (find me please)
It may well be crap, but I certainly can't tell. At least most of it is different crap than in the draft. It's also a page shorter than it's supposed to be, but when it's a difference between 19 and 20 pages, I don't think the profs will care all that much, and fuck it, I'm out of things to say.

To do: print out, put in profs' boxes, grab breakfast, GO TO SLEEP.

Good morning.

stop it!

Jun. 6th, 2005 04:43 am
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (so sleepy)
Oh, god, I can't crash yet. My body is not allowed to shut down yet. I still have a little more than four hours and eight pages to go.

eta: Managed to salvage a sizeable chunk of my original draft for the final one. Three more hours, four more pages. Feeling slightly less frightened now.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (do we all have our thinking caps?)
Nine hours and fifteen pages to go. Woot.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (dumbass)
Happy slightly belated birthdays to [livejournal.com profile] funkyreunion and [livejournal.com profile] lekilitook! Hope they were fantabulous.

Swiftly approaching B.A. breakdown. Met with prof, who told me to just focus on a close analysis of the book and its stage adaptations, which I really wish I'd known to do from the beginning, because now I've got 13 pages of a dubious draft with plenty of stuff but unknown quantity salvageable, and for some reason, I'm completely at a loss as to where or how to begin my analysis. Not having eaten in 14 hours does not help. This is due in 16 hours. Technically, I can do this, but I have no idea how to start. Argh.

At least I got an extension on one of my other finals, which was also due tomorrow, which would not have happened. So I don't need to worry about anything else until B.A. done.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (go BOOM!)
My B.A. critical paper, half of the B.A. entire, which I am currently writing even though I'm only a second-year, due to being in Ireland next year when I would normally have to write it, is due on Monday at 9am. I got the draft back -- from one of the two profs -- a week ago. She ripped it apart. Well, I haven't taken a single critical class in my major yet, what the hell was she expecting? I've never written a paper even remotely like this before, and I'm totally unprepared, because I'm a second-year and with the massive amounts of gen ed requirements at this school, I haven't had a chance to take the sort of classes that would prepare me for this. Oh, yeah, and I didn't know I was going to have to write it this quarter until, um, the end of last quarter. So my draft is godawful, and her comments, while good at ripping it to shreds, aren't entirely constructive in that I'm not sure how to salvage this thing. And the other prof didn't even get the draft, because apparently my e-mail fucked up sending it, and he never took a minute to tell me oh, by the way, never got your draft, mind resending it? So I sent him the draft from my school e-mail account (instead of gmail).

That was all last Thursday.

This week, I signed up for the prof who had read my draft's office hours. On Tuesday. I showed up, and she said there was a mix-up, she had another appointment, e-mail her to set up another time, and closed the door in my face. Yesterday, I had work all day, and couldn't meet with her, so I e-mailed her saying I'm free all Thursday, what time would be best for you?

No response.

No response from the prof I resent the draft to, either.

Final paper due in less than four days.

So I just sent off e-mails to both of them, basically begging to meet and discuss the draft, which, by the way, is my B. fucking. A., which is a large part in determining whether I graduate with honors or, hell, at all. Which I am grossly unprepared for, seeing as I wasn't supposed to write it for another year. And if they don't get back to me by tomorrow? Then it's the weekend. And then it's Monday, 9am, and the damn thing is due.

I'll wait until tomorrow afternoon, and if nothing happens, I start pleading for extension. Or, better yet, for this paper to be scaled down and count only as the final paper for the class, and to write the B.A. critical component while in Dublin. Which I think will improve it, since I'm taking only critical classes in my major next year, and will actually have a minimum of experience tackling this sort of thing.

Sorry, just needed to vent for a bit. I'm really at my wit's end here.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (do we all have our thinking caps?)
Haven't been on LJ all day. Won't check the flist until tomorrow night, probably.

BA critical paper (draft) status (because you all need to know, of course!)
Critical pages written: 7
Creative pages written: 5
Pages of potentially useful quotations yet unused: 7
Pages of quotations deemed probably not useful: 3
Minimum pages left to write (predominantly critical, perhaps some creative): 8
Time actual writing started: 7:00 PM
Time now: 5:30 AM
Time due: 3:00 PM
Amount of time deliberately wasted since actual writing began: approx. 3 hours, including 1.5 hours a cappella rehearsal
Time before boyfriend's alarm goes off: 3 hours
Chance of seeing sunrise: very, very high
Chance of getting to bed before boyfriend leaves it: middling-to-fair, depending on when the inevitable crash hits
Panicking?: not quite, as I've resolved not to attend either of my morning classes

I've reached the sort of zen that comes with being well into your second or third wind, when you can see the sky getting lighter even through the rain and occasional lightning flashes, when your butt is asleep and you're starting to have trouble moving quickly, when your fingers are starting to feel numb with exhaustion but you just keep typing, when you feel that special extra-alert-awake-wiredness that only comes just before you crash. The sort of zen that comes with knowing that there are still more than nine hours to go and oh christ you try to sleep for nine hours a night when you can, ah fuck, but at least you got seven hours last night plus a two hour nap this (yesterday) afternoon.

The sort of zen that comes when you realize fuck it, it's just a draft.

I wonder when the crash will hit.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (gullet time!)
When under intense stress and describing the situation to friends, I tend to keep this huge, slightly crazed grin on my face. Seriously. It weirds people out sometimes. But as long as I'm smiling, eeeeeverything's gonna be juuuuust fiiiiine.

*Cheshire Cat smile*

*twitch*

20-30 page draft of BA due Thursday. Professors told me to change plays-to-be-analyzed first last Thursday, then again yesterday. I have seven pages of notes on general theory, but 400+ pages of actual reading yet to do (as was only told I had to read it, um, yesterday) and no actual paper written. I'm a lousy second-year. I'm not ready for this.

I am so fucked.
kaydeefalls: magneto as player: "audiences know what to expect, and that is all that they are prepared to believe in." (the player)
Show done. The director of University Theater -- a notoriously harsh critic -- gave it a glowing review. Dude. Maybe I stand half a chance as a director after all.

Am at somewhat of a loss as to what to do with my evenings now. I took a nap yesterday evening. It was incredible. AND I got an A on the Freud paper what I wrote in about three hours, so I'm not even failing all my classes! Whew.

I guess I'll actually have time to do homework now. And maybe writing type stuff. What a novel concept.

Well.

May. 4th, 2005 10:58 pm
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (guildenstern)
I've reached a sort of zen state, re: schoolwork. Like. No matter how frantically I study and read shit and try to take loads of notes for my Tolkien midterm tomorrow morning, I'll never be prepared for it. I just won't. There's been about 400 pages of reading per week, of which I've only managed to do about half on a regular basis, and my brain simply cannot process that much information all at once. So. I'll read a bit more, maybe jot down a few things, but I won't stay up all night worrying about it. The exam is at 9am; if I don't get enough sleep, I'll just botch it all up anyway. And I'll get through the essay somehow. I've done it before. I won't do fantastically, but I'll pass. And once my show is over, I'll have time to really work hard for the rest of the quarter, so even if I do really badly tomorrow, I'll pull through all right. This class is just an elective; it's not hugely important. And no one will ever care if I failed one lousy midterm in one lousy class once in my entire college career. This isn't a big deal.

I just want it to be over with. That's all.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (rosencrantz)
The next 24 hours are going to be absolutely hellish, because while I've finished one midterm paper, I have two response papers and an in-class essay (which I'm going to FAIL because I'm completely unprepared for it) and a BA paper hotseat to get through. At 6pm tomorrow, all that will be done, and the play wot I'm directing will open at 8pm. Which is a whole other realm of hell, but in a good way. So. I just need to stick it out for 25 hours and 40 minutes, and I'll be fine.

Provided I last that long, of course.

ETA: AND I have my period, just to add even more loveliness to my life.

ugh.

May. 1st, 2005 10:44 pm
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (gullet time!)
My uni requires a full year sequence of the social sciences. I'm halfway through the third (and final) quarter of said sequence. And I HATE it. Over this year, I've had to read Adam Smith, Marx, Durkheim, Levi-Strauss, Foucault, and more -- all these major academic names that, having now read, suppsedly make me a better person. Or at least a better-educated person. Or something.

You know what? Every single one of the texts I've read for this class has bored me to tears. I just have absolutely no interest in the social sciences, apparantly. I dread writing papers for this class, because while I'm quite capable of cranking out five pages of bullshit, I hate every second of it. I don't CARE about Marx's thoughts on economics and class relations, I don't CARE about Durkheim's notion of the self, and I DON'T FUCKING CARE about Freud and psychoanalysis. I hate this class, I hate these readings, and I hate the fact that I'm going to pull an all-nighter trying to write something passable about something I have no interest in. The papers I churn out for this class are all quite decently written and deadly dull, because I can't write anything interesting when it's on a topic that I find so hideously boring.

I have to go write about Freud now. You know what psychoanalysis was? Boring. Mind-numbingly boring. I don't even care enough about his theories to disagree with them. And I pity the professor who will have to read this paper. Because she's going to be bored by it. Really, really bored.
kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (and i find it kinda funny)
As the subject line says:
1. My Intro to Performance Studies class will be analyzing the X-Men movies.
2. My final project for my Tolkien class will be Fourth Age hobbit fanfic.

On the other hand, two reasons why today sucks:
1. Six hours of class plus three hours of rehearsal.
2. I have at least three fic ideas that I desperately want to work on (none of which are Remix, yipes), and, due to #1, no time to write.

This is now my desktop picture. It simultaneously makes me feel happy and like I want to cry. Kind of like my day.

Shall try to get a couple of fic snippets down before rehearsal...

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