cooooookies...
Oct. 17th, 2002 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaydeefalls
Have just baked six dozen cookies for this massive fundraising extravaganza luncheon thingy tomorrow. Six dozen freakin' cookies. And I can't eat them!
Well, except for the two that, um, broke. Accidentally. Right. And more cookie dough than is good for me...but oh, it was worth it. Snickerdoodles, how I love thee. All of thee.
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Realize half the bowls and shit you need were used by your manic baking father last night. Run dishwasher.
3. Turn off oven, in case it should spontaneously erupt into flame while dishwasher is running.
4. Wait for dishwasher. Hum tunelessly.
5. Pull out random oversized bowl from drawer. Take 4 sticks butter (2 cups) out of freezer.
6. See how much flour you have. Curse. See how much sugar you have. Okay, well at least that's covered.
7. Mentally will butter to thaw.
8. While waiting for butter, pull out a slightly less oversized bowl. Add 4 2/3 cups flour to bowl. Curse profusely, because that's it for the flour. Find self-rising cake flour in cabinet. Scowl at it. Add 2/3 cups self-rising cake flour to bowl, because the recipe calls for 5 1/3 cups flour goddammmit. Then add 2 tsp cream of tartar (still have no idea what that actually is) and 1 tsp salt.
9. Wait. Glare at butter.
10. Dishwasher's done! Wave butter around in (open) steaming dishwasher, physically willing it to thaw. (The butter, not the dishwasher.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
11. Give up and stick butter in microwave for 30 seconds. Ah, perfect. Cut it up (all 4 sticks) into eggbeaterable chucks, dump in the original oversized bowl (not the floury one).
12. To original oversized bowl, add 2 cups sugar. That's it for the sugar jar. Pull out sugar BAG. Laugh maniacally. Add 1 more cup of sugar.
13. Go into fridge to get eggs. Mentally will manic baking father to die a fiery death, because he used up the eggs without telling you.
14. Turn off oven, in case of spontaneous combustion. Run the two blocks to the supermarket and pray the rain doesn't get any harder because you forgot your umbrella. Purchase eggs. Walk CAREFULLY back so as not to break newly-bought eggs.
15. Remove damp sweatshirt. Find apron. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Add 4 eggs to the original oversized bowl (the one with sugar, not the one with flour). Add 2 tsp vanilla. Sniff vanilla. Wonder how it could possibly smell that fucking strong. Put remaining eggs in fridge. Glare at fridge, just because.
16. Try to remove eggbeater from the rest of its dumbass plastic setup. Fail. Receive phone call from panicky co-coordinater of this goddamn fundraising luncheon. Listen to her babble for upwards of fifteen minutes, while struggling frantically with fucking eggbeater one-handedly. Curse loudly into phone. Accidentally offend co-coordinater. Too pissed off at eggbeater to apologize; she'll understand.
17. Finally, FINALLY get eggbeater separated from the fucking plastic setup. Squeal. Hang up phone. Plug in eggbeater. Use this appliance of doom on original oversized bowl. Snicker as wet cookie dough splatters kitchen counter.Lick wipe off cookie dough.
18. Once butter-sugar-egg-vanilla mixture is acceptably mush, gradually beat in flour mixture. Spray flour all over the fucking place. Laugh maniacally.
19. Turn off eggbeater. Lick it clean. (This last step is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. The cookies just won't come out right otherwise.)
20. Restrain self from eating too much cookie dough. Raw eggs are bad for you. Another bit of childhood nostalgia goes pffft.
21. Make cinnamon sugar mixture (1 Tbsp sugar for ever 1 tsp cinnamon, except you'll need a lot more of this). "Clean up mess."
22. Shape dough into approx. 1 inch balls (read: not-too-large spoonful). Roll around in cinnamon sugar mixture, coating ball somewhat evenly. Try not to lick fingers after EVERY doughball is made. Just most of them. About twelve of these future cookies fit on your average baking sheet, or rather my average baking sheet. Use your instincts. Not my instincts; mine suck.
23. Stick first dozen into miraculously unexploded oven. Bake for about 9 minutes. While baking, roll up another batch. Rinse and repeat. Well, rinsing probably isn't such a bright idea. Put on a funny CD; you deserve it.
24. Try not to eat every finished cookie. Just the "accidentally" "broken" ones.
25. Put cookies in tins veryveryvery quickly, so as not to eat them.
26. Abandon kitchen on account of "schoolwork." Let someone else clean up the mess. Snigger.
27. Go back and turn off oven. Because, you know. Spontaneous combustion. And all.
Makes about 6 dozen snickerdoodles, 1 messy kitchen, a shitload of dishwashed utensils, and (hopefully) 1 unexploded oven. But I can't guarantee the last one.
Well, except for the two that, um, broke. Accidentally. Right. And more cookie dough than is good for me...but oh, it was worth it. Snickerdoodles, how I love thee. All of thee.
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Realize half the bowls and shit you need were used by your manic baking father last night. Run dishwasher.
3. Turn off oven, in case it should spontaneously erupt into flame while dishwasher is running.
4. Wait for dishwasher. Hum tunelessly.
5. Pull out random oversized bowl from drawer. Take 4 sticks butter (2 cups) out of freezer.
6. See how much flour you have. Curse. See how much sugar you have. Okay, well at least that's covered.
7. Mentally will butter to thaw.
8. While waiting for butter, pull out a slightly less oversized bowl. Add 4 2/3 cups flour to bowl. Curse profusely, because that's it for the flour. Find self-rising cake flour in cabinet. Scowl at it. Add 2/3 cups self-rising cake flour to bowl, because the recipe calls for 5 1/3 cups flour goddammmit. Then add 2 tsp cream of tartar (still have no idea what that actually is) and 1 tsp salt.
9. Wait. Glare at butter.
10. Dishwasher's done! Wave butter around in (open) steaming dishwasher, physically willing it to thaw. (The butter, not the dishwasher.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
11. Give up and stick butter in microwave for 30 seconds. Ah, perfect. Cut it up (all 4 sticks) into eggbeaterable chucks, dump in the original oversized bowl (not the floury one).
12. To original oversized bowl, add 2 cups sugar. That's it for the sugar jar. Pull out sugar BAG. Laugh maniacally. Add 1 more cup of sugar.
13. Go into fridge to get eggs. Mentally will manic baking father to die a fiery death, because he used up the eggs without telling you.
14. Turn off oven, in case of spontaneous combustion. Run the two blocks to the supermarket and pray the rain doesn't get any harder because you forgot your umbrella. Purchase eggs. Walk CAREFULLY back so as not to break newly-bought eggs.
15. Remove damp sweatshirt. Find apron. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Add 4 eggs to the original oversized bowl (the one with sugar, not the one with flour). Add 2 tsp vanilla. Sniff vanilla. Wonder how it could possibly smell that fucking strong. Put remaining eggs in fridge. Glare at fridge, just because.
16. Try to remove eggbeater from the rest of its dumbass plastic setup. Fail. Receive phone call from panicky co-coordinater of this goddamn fundraising luncheon. Listen to her babble for upwards of fifteen minutes, while struggling frantically with fucking eggbeater one-handedly. Curse loudly into phone. Accidentally offend co-coordinater. Too pissed off at eggbeater to apologize; she'll understand.
17. Finally, FINALLY get eggbeater separated from the fucking plastic setup. Squeal. Hang up phone. Plug in eggbeater. Use this appliance of doom on original oversized bowl. Snicker as wet cookie dough splatters kitchen counter.
18. Once butter-sugar-egg-vanilla mixture is acceptably mush, gradually beat in flour mixture. Spray flour all over the fucking place. Laugh maniacally.
19. Turn off eggbeater. Lick it clean. (This last step is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. The cookies just won't come out right otherwise.)
20. Restrain self from eating too much cookie dough. Raw eggs are bad for you. Another bit of childhood nostalgia goes pffft.
21. Make cinnamon sugar mixture (1 Tbsp sugar for ever 1 tsp cinnamon, except you'll need a lot more of this). "Clean up mess."
22. Shape dough into approx. 1 inch balls (read: not-too-large spoonful). Roll around in cinnamon sugar mixture, coating ball somewhat evenly. Try not to lick fingers after EVERY doughball is made. Just most of them. About twelve of these future cookies fit on your average baking sheet, or rather my average baking sheet. Use your instincts. Not my instincts; mine suck.
23. Stick first dozen into miraculously unexploded oven. Bake for about 9 minutes. While baking, roll up another batch. Rinse and repeat. Well, rinsing probably isn't such a bright idea. Put on a funny CD; you deserve it.
24. Try not to eat every finished cookie. Just the "accidentally" "broken" ones.
25. Put cookies in tins veryveryvery quickly, so as not to eat them.
26. Abandon kitchen on account of "schoolwork." Let someone else clean up the mess. Snigger.
27. Go back and turn off oven. Because, you know. Spontaneous combustion. And all.
Makes about 6 dozen snickerdoodles, 1 messy kitchen, a shitload of dishwashed utensils, and (hopefully) 1 unexploded oven. But I can't guarantee the last one.
