it's not you, it's me
Mar. 10th, 2006 10:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kaydeefalls
Wow. Like, I know I've never exactly been one of the popular kids, but I thought I was at least starting to make friends here -- or, y'know, friendly acquaintances -- with a few of the other American girls in the student theater group. We've done a show together, I've been to the pub with them a time or two, we chat after class a bit, I'm even designing the lights for one girl's show next term. Nothing big, but still, something. They're all really tight, while I'm somewhat of an outsider, but hey, I'll take what I can get.
So much for that. Went to the Players show tonight, they were all there. I waved and said hi and came over to chat, and got a completely disinterested "oh hey" from one and then watched as she turned her back on me and completely cut me out of the circle. And whenever I tried to include myself, was completely ignored. After the show, the friendliest of the girls said I should come out with them tonight and I was like yeah, all right, and then she went off to talk to someone else and the others...turned their backs on me and cut me out of the conversation again. And then the friendly girl and another told the others they were getting food and left, and the rest kept right on ignoring my attempts to join in the conversation. So I left. No one noticed.
I didn't do anything to them. I can't even think that I've been annoying them, because I so rarely join their little group. So, really, I just don't even register on their social radars whatsoever. I doubt they were deliberately avoiding me. They just didn't care to notice me standing right fucking there next to them. And that feels kinda shitty.
I know I'm not outgoing. I know I tend to be quiet in large groups. And I know I'm not all that close to them. But I didn't realize I was invisible.
Gah. Now that I look over that, I feel rather pathetic and immature. And cowardly. Ah, well. It's been that sort of evening.
So much for that. Went to the Players show tonight, they were all there. I waved and said hi and came over to chat, and got a completely disinterested "oh hey" from one and then watched as she turned her back on me and completely cut me out of the circle. And whenever I tried to include myself, was completely ignored. After the show, the friendliest of the girls said I should come out with them tonight and I was like yeah, all right, and then she went off to talk to someone else and the others...turned their backs on me and cut me out of the conversation again. And then the friendly girl and another told the others they were getting food and left, and the rest kept right on ignoring my attempts to join in the conversation. So I left. No one noticed.
I didn't do anything to them. I can't even think that I've been annoying them, because I so rarely join their little group. So, really, I just don't even register on their social radars whatsoever. I doubt they were deliberately avoiding me. They just didn't care to notice me standing right fucking there next to them. And that feels kinda shitty.
I know I'm not outgoing. I know I tend to be quiet in large groups. And I know I'm not all that close to them. But I didn't realize I was invisible.
Gah. Now that I look over that, I feel rather pathetic and immature. And cowardly. Ah, well. It's been that sort of evening.
