it's not you, it's me

[kaydeefalls]

Wow. Like, I know I've never exactly been one of the popular kids, but I thought I was at least starting to make friends here -- or, y'know, friendly acquaintances -- with a few of the other American girls in the student theater group. We've done a show together, I've been to the pub with them a time or two, we chat after class a bit, I'm even designing the lights for one girl's show next term. Nothing big, but still, something. They're all really tight, while I'm somewhat of an outsider, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

So much for that. Went to the Players show tonight, they were all there. I waved and said hi and came over to chat, and got a completely disinterested "oh hey" from one and then watched as she turned her back on me and completely cut me out of the circle. And whenever I tried to include myself, was completely ignored. After the show, the friendliest of the girls said I should come out with them tonight and I was like yeah, all right, and then she went off to talk to someone else and the others...turned their backs on me and cut me out of the conversation again. And then the friendly girl and another told the others they were getting food and left, and the rest kept right on ignoring my attempts to join in the conversation. So I left. No one noticed.

I didn't do anything to them. I can't even think that I've been annoying them, because I so rarely join their little group. So, really, I just don't even register on their social radars whatsoever. I doubt they were deliberately avoiding me. They just didn't care to notice me standing right fucking there next to them. And that feels kinda shitty.

I know I'm not outgoing. I know I tend to be quiet in large groups. And I know I'm not all that close to them. But I didn't realize I was invisible.

Gah. Now that I look over that, I feel rather pathetic and immature. And cowardly. Ah, well. It's been that sort of evening.

Comments

[brightest-blue.livejournal.com]

Awww. *hugs* You're not being pathetic and immature. Behavior like that is crappy and rude. I know it doesn't help right now to say you don't want to be friends with people like that, but in the long run, you're better off without them. It is hard to be a quiet person, but someone nice would take the time to get to know you and draw you out.

I had a similar experience with other American students while studying in Germany. The normally chilly and reserved Germans were a lot friendlier than most other Americans. It's like they had formed cliques before arriving and weren't letting anyone in.

And weirdly, I got along great with the Irish, although they can be unreliable; if they blow off a movie date, they can usually be found in a nearby pub. :-)

In fact, I wish I were there right now. We could get slightly hammered at a pub, and then go dancing. Instead, I'll just send transcontinental hugs. *hugs par avion*

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Ah, well. I'm only here for another couple of months, anyway. And I'd totally take you up on the drinking&dancing thing. *hugs back*

[smidirini.livejournal.com]

Meh, that sucks. Some people can be so inconsiderate of other people's feelings because, I guess, a lot of the time they just don't think a whole lot about it (some people just don't think a whole lot, fulllstop :P).

Having been pretty much the 'weird kid' through most of my school years - not so much quiet as a little insecure and coming across as a bit strange - I've sort of learnt through hard experience that most people are okay if you make them take the chance to get to know you, but it can be really difficult to do that if you're shy.

I like to think that if I make an effort to include everyone in whatever's going on, but I'm sure even with the best of intentions someone somewhere has been left looking on somewhere feeling left out because I've been too preoccupied with something else.

Still, having said that it's a shame you're Irish classmates haven't made more of an effort to make you feel welcome. I know in our class we always make a special effort to involve our foreign contingent in extra-ciricular activities, but we have a small class and critically, we're not in Dublin. I studied in Dublin for a year and my class were probably 80% Dubs and while I got on well enough with them during the day, in the evenings the went home, to their friends from their area and there really wasn't much in the line of social activity going on.

Well, this has turned into a right old ramble :P

Was going to say that I have a few LOTRps people that I want to meet up with in Dublin, hopefully in the near future - some I've met once before, some I haven't. It won't be a big group and we won't all necessarily know each other. Can't imagine more than 3 or 4 of us at any one time - probably meet upin a public place, probably go to the cinema, or a cafe for a chat about fandom stuff, certainly nothing too intense.

Anyway, if you don't want to I won't be offended or anything, but if you'd have any interest in joining us I'd love to meet up with you and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun :)

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'd totally be up for that meetup thing. I mean, I'm only going to be here until June, but if you do make it out here before then, count me in. *grins*

[msilverstar]

Those people are missing someone special, and I mean it. I've met you in person and you're fabulous! Sigh.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I needed that. *clings*

[ldmoonflower.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry people are crappy. For what it's worth, I'm trying to break out of the same bubble myself. But you'll be hanging out with Maeve and me soon, and we love you!

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

If by "soon" you mean "in four weeks", but, yeah, soonish!

[robertmartinez.livejournal.com]

The exact same thing happened to me the other day here. I went out with the UNC kids who I thought I was beginning to get along with pretty well and spent an entire night at the bar being completely ignored by them. I think I'm going to stop going out to bars - I'm tired of feeling this socially awkward to spend time in places that are too crowded, blaring music so loud that you can't have a normal conversation and that serve ridiculously overpriced drinks. Anyhow, I know exactly what you mean. Invisibility sucks.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Shit sucks. *raises a pint in commisseration*