...more day four.

[kaydeefalls]

Okay. I've moved into the numb shock stage now, so I can post about it.

I've cried over movies and television shows (and books, of course) before. I've loved characters who then died. This is not real life. I can deal.

In 2006, a friend of mine at college died of cancer, and when I heard, I went to my then-boyfriend's bedroom and sobbed in his arms for quite literally 90 minutes straight. That's my touchstone for what grief is. I haven't thought of that for some time now, but it came to mind after watching this episode, and I'm glad it did. Because I needed that dose of perspective. I adored Ianto Jones beyond all reason, but in the end, he is a fictional character, and this kind of grief doesn't hold a candle to the real world.

It's just the death of a fantasy of what real life could be, which hurts almost as much but not nearly as devastatingly.

So, yeah, I lost my mind a little bit at the end of that episode, I'm not gonna lie. I was literally sobbing "no no no no" without stop for the last few minutes. Probably looked kind of unstable, but hey, fortunately I was watching alone. And now I've returned to sanity, so that's okay.

Back to the analytical:

That was a great episode. It handled just about everything right. I loved the bleakness, the utter wrongness of the government's discussions and decisions. I loved how they tackled such massively problematic social issues, and how fucking believable it was. I loved Lois, oh my GOD I loved Lois, so brilliant and strong and...not fearless, of course, but managing her fear, and saying her piece, and giving no quarter. I loved Gwen, beautiful, fantastic Gwen, waiting for the evil!woman's team to surround her (although, methinks evil!woman is being converted pretty fucking hard to Torchwood's cause right now, and might make a good agent herself). I loved the earlier conversations between Ianto and Jack, where they hit all the right notes with such consistency I thought I was watching a different show for a second there.

This is not something I think often, but oh my goodness, I love John Barrowman's acting in this episode. I love JB to bits, of course, but the man is first and foremost a musical theatre actor, and speaking as someone who makes her living in the theatre, IT SHOWS. He overacts out the whazoo, and I frequently get pulled out of the intimate Jack moments because his delivery jars me. But this episode? Okay, kids, THIS IS WHAT DIRECTORS ARE FOR. Jack hit every moment with absolute understated perfection. Every. Moment. When he reveals to Ianto that Frobisher has his daughter and grandson, the tiny crack in his voice slayed me. And he only got better from there. His desperate attempt to renegotiate with the 456 when he realized Ianto was dying? I don't even have the words. Pitch perfect. Well done.

And Ianto. Oh, oh, oh. I had so much squee building up about Ianto in this episode, ready to be posted. Not so much with the gleefulness now. Just, perfect. Perfect.

I'm torn between being furious about his death, and in awe at how well it was written and handled. I think they dragged it out a touch too much, and a couple of the lines veered just a hair over the line into cheesiness, but the actors sold the fuck out of it, so whatever. (Yes, I rewatched it. Because frankly I missed most of it the first time.) Seriously, guys, that was beautifully done.

NOT PLEASED with the fulfillment of the dead queer trope. Not even a little bit. But I don't have the energy to be angry right now. Well done, Rusty, you gave the Janto shippers their "I love you." Don't you feel proud.

But anyway.

Oddly enough, this makes one thing a lot easier. Tomorrow night, I've got a show to stage manage, and it's also my last day at my job so there's a lot of us going out drinking afterward, all of which means I probably won't download Day Five until Saturday morning-ish. I've been worried that I'd lose my mind all day and night tomorrow, wondering if Ianto would live or die. And now? I'm in no rush. I've already got my answer. I really don't care how this series resolves itself now, though I'm curious how they'll wrap up all the plot threads, and, y'know, wonder how the climax will play out. It's a great story. But I was here for the characters, and I just lost all my investment in them. Jack will be fine -- well, broken, but fine. Gwen will be Gwen. Rhys, I'm no longer worried about. Frobisher will die, which will be a pity -- he's actually been a fantastic character to watch, I think that actor is tops. Lois will join Torchwood, if there's even a Torchwood left at the end, which I'm not counting on. I just don't particularly care any more.

I don't mean that in at all a militant way, honest. I really just -- I'm completely numb right now, and I don't care.

Yeah, I suppose there's a possibility this is a fake-out, but I'm not even considering that to be an option right now, because I hurt enough as is, and don't feel the need to get my hopes up and then squashed again. In terms of canon, we've reached the end of Ianto's story. His character arc is complete. And that's that.

Bring on the fix-it fic.

ETA: I forgot to mention, Jack's coming-back-to-life moment at the very end was possibly the most beautiful and heartbreaking moment of any episode of this show. Just. Oh.

Fuck, now I'm crying again.

Comments

[kalliopeia.livejournal.com]

....oh god.

I don't think I can watch it.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Your call.

It was a VERY good episode. But...well. Again, your call.

[kalliopeia.livejournal.com]

Can you tell me how it happened? I seriously don't think I can watch it. I'm in tears already and I haven't even finished the download yet.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

I can tell you that both JB and GDL were so far beyond the top of their forms for that scene, it was amazing.

Look, he dies relatively peacefully, and in Jack's arms. It's better than it could've been.

[kalliopeia.livejournal.com]

I don't know. If I'm this upset just hearing the news, I probably should wait a couple of days.

I started a nice little fic today, too. One that I knew would be upended in some way by the last two episodes but I liked it anyway. Don't think I can finish it now. :(

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

Jack's coming-back-to-life moment at the very end was possibly the most beautiful and heartbreaking moment of any episode of this show. Just. Oh.
Oh, yes. I thought that too, very much. After all the dramatic deep breath, sit up, unstable awakenings of the series so far.