kaydeefalls: blank with text: "white. a blank page or canvas. so many possibilities..." (so many possibilities)
[personal profile] kaydeefalls
Had a bit of a spat with the boyfriend yesterday evening, which resulted in me heading off downtown to see Kingdom of Heaven alone. Once my general pissed-off-ness cooled down, I had quite a nice night. It was like being single again. Two guys waiting at the bus stop started chatting me up and flirting, and I enjoyed it a lot more than I should have. I chatted and flirted right back until they got off the bus. It felt...nice. And then I took a long walk up Michigan Avenue, and it was a gorgeous night. And the movie was fun -- not great, but worth watching, and Orlando was a lovely piece of eye candy. After the movie, I sang to myself in the bus stop until the bus came to take me back to campus.

Last night was very reassuring, in a way. That I can go out and have a good time without the boyfriend. Maybe next year won't be so bad, with me in Ireland and him still in Chicago.

It also makes me wonder if we should break up when I leave. I mean, I love him, but it was just so nice to be able to flirt again, and I don't want to feel guilty or tied down when I don't see him for months on end. I'm still young. I'm not ready to commit to one relationship for the rest of my life. But at the same time, why break off a good thing? Bah.

Date: 2005-05-14 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gabbyhope.livejournal.com
Honestly, I was in that exact boat all these past nine months. It's crazy insane having to be separated from your significant other for a prolonged amount of time with nothing to rely on but the internet and sporadic phone time, and, yes, there have been times when I was chatting with a guy or a girl and I suddenly imagined what it would be like to be available because, hey, he/she's cute and funny and enjoyable and why SHOULDN'T I have fun while I'm over here? But (for me, at least), it never lasted long and I always felt a twinge of guilt, no matter how good it feels to be flirted with. What I guess I'm trying to say is that thinking such things, even if you do love him, is perfectly normal. It shows you're in touch with reality, I say. Why shouldn't you consider your choices rather than just cling on blindly? I mean, it's your life! Maybe you should think about bringing it up with him? Maybe he'll feel the same, you never know. Or maybe you'll decide in the long run -- like me -- that if it's good, if it's lasting, then it will continue to be good and last even when there's a big, giant pond between you two. :)

Date: 2005-05-14 08:10 pm (UTC)
msilverstar: (billy elijah snug)
From: [personal profile] msilverstar
Do talk with him about it, but don't break up because you think you "should". It might happen, it might not, but wait and see what life brings.

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