nngk.

[kaydeefalls]

Well, I spent 30 of the past 48 hours at the theater in tech. Huzzah. *faceplant*

Haven't checked LJ at all since sometime Friday afternoon, which is unusual for me. At least I'll have plenty of reading during my downtime today. (Downtime. HA.)

Also, if anyone's still interested in playing the awesome ladies crossover meme, go forth. Many of my list of kickass female characters have not yet been represented, alas! I'll play with that sometime today or tomorrow, probably.

Sorry, I feel like I only know how to post about fandom things, and that very sporadically. My life is...I can't really articulate it right now, and it would make for very dull reading. Whether it's fandom or RL, I feel like I'm constantly engaging with people on a superficial level -- between day job and theater, I average working roughly 10-12 hours a day in continuous interaction with other people -- but I completely lack any meaningful personal connections in my everyday life, and as a result, I feel completely isolated and detached from everything and everyone. Which sounds much worse when I phrase it that way than I mean it to, ugh, failure to articulate at the moment. And of course I have friends, both online and in person (or both). But I rarely see or speak with any of them, and while I know theoretically I could pick up a phone or shoot off an e-mail and they would be there for me, I just...lack that ability, somehow. I hate feeling like I need anyone else, and I hate asking for help, and I hate speaking up when I don't have anything important or meaningful to say, and I never, ever feel like I'm worth wasting anyone else's time.

Wow. Writing that makes me feel hideously self-absorbed. Sorry! It's weird. While I have a fairly healthy sense of self-worth in some regards -- I think I'm a decent writer, good at my job, becoming a very competent stage manager, able to engage well with people on a professional level -- when it comes to personal? Good god, I feel like I'm completely worthless and interact with people accordingly. Hello undiagnosed neurosis, lovely to see you for what you are. CRINGE.

Going to stop talking about myself now. UGH.

Comments

[anoel.livejournal.com]

I hear you on the personal side. I feel like I SHOULD be able to email or call people I know but it just feels weird or they wouldn't want to talk to me or I wouldn't know what to say. It's frustrating.

[insixeighttime.livejournal.com]

I am in tech too. Well, about to be. And when I'm not, I'll be back in town for spring break (kinda literally, the show closes the 6th and I'm back the 11th). So I'll come see your show and we'll go to playbill and I *won't* hit anyone in the crotch and we'll have some non-superficial interactions. Sound good?

Besides, you still post more than I post here.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Whee, tech. Catch you on the flip side!

Incidentally, we spent most of the first act in the booth laughing hysterically over the stage management T-shirts here (http://www.cafepress.com/+stage-manager+t-shirts?page=1). You will like these. :D

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

You are so utterly not self-absorbed I don't even know how to put it into words. That said, I kind of am, and have been sort of useless of late unless you want to hear about my health, my new relationship, or how I don't know how to make myself be more productive or inspired. Which I don't think anyone does.

Sorry i'm not there for you more. :-/

[tardis-stowaway.livejournal.com]

You are totally not being self-absorbed; a bit of navel-gazing is perfectly socially acceptable in LJ-land.

I'm right there with you on the personal stuff. I have a hard time initiating social interaction with friends, and often the more miserable I am the more difficult it is to reach out because I feel like I'm less fun to be around. I lack useful advice for dealing with the problem, but I offer up my sympathy and online hugs.