here we go again

[kaydeefalls]

After the overwhelming responses to my post about the roommate, it's finally become clear to me that this is kind of a toxic living situation, and I need to get out. So I'm officially apartment hunting again, UGH. Sent out a handful of craigslist inquiries today, am already seeing a place on Monday. On the plus side, I can afford to be patient and picky this time around -- I have no move-in deadline, and no pressure to sign on to anything unless I really think it'll be a good fit.

On the minus side, I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ASSHOLE. Even though my roommate's impossible, I don't want to just leave her in the lurch, and I know she had been looking for a longer-term roommate when she chose me to move in. So moving out again after a grand total of five months (if any of these inquiries pan out) seems like such a dick move to pull. But I really can't stand feeling like an unwanted houseguest in what's supposed to be my own home.

Also, how the hell do I tell her I'm planning on leaving? I don't intend to tell her until I've found a new place; I will be sure to give her at least two weeks' notice, but that's still...not very much. On the other hand, I don't want to give her LOTS of notice and then still have to live with her added resentment for all that remaining time. But I hate confrontation with every fiber of my being, and I honestly don't know how to broach the subject with her. ("Hey, I'm moving out because you're completely batshit and I'm really uncomfortable living with you.") I also dread having to tell the landlord, who I DO genuinely like and think is a good person and a great landlord, but who's been friends with the roommate for years. UGH. Everything about this situation just sucks.

Anyway, if anyone knows anyone in NYC who's looking for a new roommate...

Comments

[icarus]

My mother has a great way of thinking of this. She says, "The karma has run out." One way or another, you and your roommate are going to part ways.

[kaydeefalls]

Nicely put. I mean, I knew from the start that this was never going to be a permanent arrangement -- I just feel like I'm bailing WAY sooner than I'd planned.

[msilverstar]

Seriously, this person is going to have to loosen up or live alone, no two ways about it.

[cesare]

I guess you could phrase it as an I-statement?

"I'm having trouble abiding by the house rules, so I found a more relaxed living situation."

Or claim you unexpectedly got invited to move in with an old college friend or work colleague who's lost their roommate, or something. Sorry! These things happen!

However it goes down it'll probably be kind of nerve-wracking, I know, so *preliminary hugs!*

[cesare]

Also, you are so not an asshole. If she wants a long-term roommate she needs to check her own behavior.

[princessofgeeks]

I don't think you have to tell her anything. Simply, "this isn't working out for me."

You are doing nothing wrong by taking care of yourself and finding a more peaceful place.

NOTHING WRONG.

*hugs*

[via_ostiense]

I know she had been looking for a longer-term roommate when she chose me to move in.

Well, roommate compatibility is determined by as many people as there are roommates in the apartment, and I'm really not seeing the incompatibility here as coming from you. If she wants a long-term roommate, she needs to adjust her behavior so that people don't want to run screaming.

Regarding notice, I used to think that 30 days' notice was standard, and then I moved to NY, where I found a room ad online, visited it, and got my keys in the span of 44 hours. Two weeks' notice ought to suffice for her, unless you have a written agreement for your sublet of the room that specifies a longer period.

[fiercynn]

putting out feelers, will let you know if I hear anything!

But, I'm glad you're making this decision if it will get you out of this awful-sounding situations. *hugs*