The LJ friends thing.

[kaydeefalls]

So, I have been unfriended. Not the first time it's happened, but this person's fics are usually friends-only, and I am sorry that I won't be able to read them anymore. Them's the breaks.

But you know what? The whole LJ friends business is rather absurd, really. And inappropriately named. As of now, I have 68 people on my friends list. I barely know any of you. I've spoken to maybe three of you on IM (not counting my RL friends on here -- lush_rimbaud, tarigwaemir, lianara, ldmoonflower, filmelder, trivetmonger). I'm pretty decent at giving feedback on fics but rarely leave comments in your journals otherwise. When people comment on stuff in my journal, I usually respond but almost never strike up a real conversation. And LJ calls this friendship?

I am antisocial around people I don't know too well -- both in RL and on the internet. I admit it. And, frankly, I probably make a lousy LJ friend. Aside from the never conversing with anyone, I'm well aware that most of my entries are of interest to me and no one else. Those who have friended me are here because either they liked my fics or I friended them first. And I friend people based on their writing or journals, not personality. I'm sure you're all wonderful people. But if you post interesting rants, I'll probably friend you. If you like to ramble on about, say, *Nsync, I probably won't. Doesn't mean you're not a cool person, just that I have no interest in reading about *Nsync's latest album.

And you know what else? I'm tired of feeling guilty whenever I unfriend someone, or fail to friend someone who's friended me. When someone unfriends me -- well, sure, I spend a minute or two wondering what I did wrong, but then I get over it. It's relatively meaningless. I don't know you. You don't know me. I've got RL friends, and I'm sure you do, too, and THOSE are the friendships that really matter. A few sociable, outgoing people DO manage to create lasting friendships online, and all power to them. I generally don't. It's just how I am.

So the "moral" of this little...well, it's not a rant, so I'm not quite sure what to call it. Anyway. Moral? There is no moral. I guess I'm just trying to release any of you who want out. If our interests have diverged, or my journal is boring -- go ahead and unfriend me. I won't hold it against you. You're all cool people, I'm not going to take offense. Similarly, if I do any unfriending in the future, it's nothing personal.

Easy come, easy go, right?

Comments

[gabbyhope.livejournal.com]

Easy come, easy go, right?

Indeed.

It's just... atmosphere. *nods* Added to the place to give people the opportunity to break out and go here, lookit me, this is me! Sometimes we take advantage, sometimes we don't.

And I know exactly what you mean. hm.

[daonna-sceal.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about the whole lookit me, this is me! thing. And it's kinda ironic, because really, it's only a fraction of who they are, and we don't ever get to see who someone really is.

And it has nagged at me every so often that LJ uses the term "friends" for other users. And yeah, ditto to kaydeefalls's 3rd and 4th paragraphs. Sometimes it is a little disappointing when a user with interesting protected entries "unfriends" you, but with so much good fic out there, and so many branches of fandom, it's not like you really miss out on a whole lot.

Good post, Kaydee. And I don't mind if either of you reply to this or not. :-) Guilt-free LJ, enjoy yours today!

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it is a little disappointing when a user with interesting protected entries "unfriends" you, but with so much good fic out there, and so many branches of fandom, it's not like you really miss out on a whole lot.

This is very true. I'm certainly not devastated about it, or anything. It just made me think.

Guilt-free LJ, enjoy yours today!

::snickers:: Oh, but I shall!

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Added to the place to give people the opportunity to break out and go here, lookit me, this is me! Sometimes we take advantage, sometimes we don't.

Granted. And it's a loverly feature, don't get me wrong. I just sort of feel like I'm in kindergarten or something, y'know? "I have more friends than you!" "Yeah, well, so-and-so is my bestest friend, so there!" Not that most people think that way. Maybe I'm just strange. ::nods firmly::

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

When I first got my LJ I was really uncomfortable with the fact that it was called a 'friends list'. Adding people seemed like going up to complete strangers and declaring, 'You are my friend now, whether you like it or not!' But I suppose 'List of people whose journals I like to read, for whatever reason' doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

It's odd because everyone seems to have different policies on friending. I tend to friend people because I like their fic or because their journal's just a fun or interesting read. I'm not going to unfriend them just because they don't friend me back - it doesn't stop me enjoying their journal.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

But I suppose 'List of people whose journals I like to read, for whatever reason' doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Heh, I'd like to see that, actually. It would amuse me. ;)

I tend to friend people because I like their fic or because their journal's just a fun or interesting read.

As do I. Dude, we must be like soulmates or something. ::snickers::

I'm not going to unfriend them just because they don't friend me back - it doesn't stop me enjoying their journal.

Word. I think it would be a stupid policy. If you're only interested in friending people in order to be friended back and look "popular," or something, then...I dunno. The scary thing is, there ARE people who do that. Which vaguely irritates me. But to each her own, I guess. ::shrugs::

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

I know. A couple of people friended me recently, and I had a look at their journals and thought "Ah well, cool, but you're mostly talking about a fandom I'm not that interested in" so I didn't friend them back. So they both unfriended me, and I thought "Well, fair enough," but it does puzzle me. Why did they friend me in the first place, anyway?

Dude, we must be like soulmates or something. ::snickers::

LOL!

[ladyjaida.livejournal.com]

We all know I'm not going anywhere, unless of course you turn out to be an axe murderer when we meet, and all my mother's internet paranoia turns out to be actually true, and from fangirl heaven, which is a lot like normal people hell, I can watch her weep and say, "SHIT, yet again, my mother was right. Well fuck me with a spoon."

That was a long sentence.

What I'm saying is, I know what you mean, but there are a whole lot of people on my friends list I don't know much about yet -- the reason they're on there is because they interest me and I like to keep reading what they have to say, like to see a myriad of opinions on one thing at any given time.

Anyways, I'm staying, and I'd like to stay. Is making the long story short.

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

unless of course you turn out to be an axe murderer when we meet, and all my mother's internet paranoia turns out to be actually true

Well, of course, I AM an axe murderer, but that's besides the point.... ;)

but there are a whole lot of people on my friends list I don't know much about yet -- the reason they're on there is because they interest me and I like to keep reading what they have to say

It's not that I think everyone should unfriend people they don't really know. That would be ridiculous. Just that if someone IS unfriended, she shouldn't take it personally -- because she never really knew the other person, anyway, and vice-versa. ::blinks:: That didn't come out right. I'm lousy at expressing myself. But. Yes. I agree with you.

Anyways, I'm staying, and I'd like to stay.

Coolness. I have no plans to unfriend you. Your journal is interesting. ::thumbs up:: It's just that in my theoretical nonexistent perfect world, it wouldn't be that big a deal if you DID choose to "unfriend" me, or vice-versa. Does that make any sense?

[ladyjaida.livejournal.com]

It's just that in my theoretical nonexistent perfect world, it wouldn't be that big a deal if you DID choose to "unfriend" me, or vice-versa. Does that make any sense?

...I know exactly what you're saying, so yes, it makes PERFECT sense. For some inexplicable reason, though, it always does hurt when even a random person unfriends you; it leaves you open to questioning how interesting you are, what you said to offend them, why there's no explanation... I hate that. Rargh.

[alisalohv.livejournal.com]

I admit readily to friending people in the beginning because they had friended me but really... for me a 'friends list' is a list of LJs that I want to read. It is made up of people that I may share common interests with or I may like reading their stories or comments or rants. I place no more weight on that and I have been friended and unfriended many times. Some people I've friended, haven't friended me and vice versa.

I just don't take any of it personally because this isn't "me". We're living through online personas and anything that someone does with or to that persona, I don't take as a slight towards me because, save a very few people that I talk to online, no one here knows who I am.

Sorry for all that ramble. I am just of the school of thought that I don't place much thought when friending and unfriending because it's about a journal, not a person and I don't put more weight on it than that.

*hugs you*

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

I just don't take any of it personally because this isn't "me". We're living through online personas and anything that someone does with or to that persona, I don't take as a slight towards me because, save a very few people that I talk to online, no one here knows who I am.

Right. I envy your ability to say in two sentences what it took me four paragraphs to try to express.

::hugs back::

Re:

[alisalohv.livejournal.com]

But I got you all the same, darlin'. :)

*holds on tightly*

[lekilitook.livejournal.com]

I also friend people because their journals are fun and interesting to read, we have common interests and they're somebody that I would really like to get to know better. :) Sometimes, I get friended back, sometimes I don't. It really doesn't matter because I'll enjoy their journals all the same. I enjoy reading about people's lives, because it helps me to get to know them.

So basically, you are staying on my friends list, and I'd like to stay. :)

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, I get friended back, sometimes I don't. It really doesn't matter because I'll enjoy their journals all the same.

Excellent philosophy. That's what the whole "friends" business SHOULD be about.

So basically, you are staying on my friends list, and I'd like to stay. :)

Heh. Don't worry, you're not going anywhere. ;) I'm not actually planning on unfriending anyone, I was just speaking hypothetically.

[troisroyaumes]

Hehe, I went around friending all my favorite fic writers on LJ, which must have freaked them out. Now I ask beforehand, but mostly the LJ people I know best are RL friends. Much more than you, since I'm not really in a fandom like you are. (Never mind the HikaGo obsession.) And for a long while, I didn't even realize that people tended to friend people who friended them first. I'm on Lorena's updates ML, but honestly, she doesn't know me at all, and she friended me when I asked if I could friend her. Nice of her, but it's not like I was expecting it or anything.

Uh, yeah, the point of that was, yes, I perfectly agree, keep it "easy come, easy go", and in any case, who cares? Angelette has a childish seven-year-old voice, but she's still willing to DJ for a Net radio station because who cares if everyone over the Internet knows how babyish she sounds? Not like she's ever going to meet them right? So, here's to obligation-free LJs! (Oh, and I'm glad to hear that your friendship with me really matters. I feel so special! ^_~)

...Tari

[kaydeefalls.livejournal.com]

Hehe, I went around friending all my favorite fic writers on LJ, which must have freaked them out.

I dunno that anyone would be freaked out by being friended. I actually like it better when I'm NOT asked, because if they ask, I feel some sort of weird obligation to friend them back. But. I'm strange. Yes.

(Oh, and I'm glad to hear that your friendship with me really matters. I feel so special! ^_~)

Awwww. I would hug you, but you'd probably shrink away in fear. ;)

[hjartad.livejournal.com]

Well said. I've friended lots of people who haven't friended me back. And some of them are people who I know, and that I converse with on occasion. They simply aren't interested in my journal, for reasons unknown to me, and that's fine. Just because I want to read someone's journal doesn't mean I want to force them to be my 'friend'.

I almost always 'friend' anyone who 'friends' me, but I always check them out first because I'm thinking of my own privacy first. When I make one of my posts protected, I have to ask myself if I will want that person reading it. And that answer is 'no' if I haven't actually talked to them yet, or at least know them through other 'friends'.

So, yes... I agree with you, completely. You're not the only antisocial person around here by the way! *hugs*

How many time