tell me again what it is you think you’ve won?

[kaydeefalls]

Let's just say that my feelings about Infinity War are...complicated.


none of this really matters
edited by kaydee falls

fandom: MCU
music: "None of This Really Matters", by Tom McRae
summary: There’s a flag flying on my street, one of permanent defeat, but I do not give a fuck. Steve Rogers, in the wake of Infinity War.
download: Mediafire (.mov, 101 MB)
disclaimer: not mine, no profit, don't sue.
notes: All of the Infinity War spoilers.

"none of this really matters (Captain America vid)" (Watch on Vimeo)

none of this really matters (Captain America vid) from kaydee falls on Vimeo.

On Tumblr


LYRICS:
Sorry to be late, I was busy tempting fate, guess that’s always been my role.
And I’ve been walking to the beat of every funeral I meet, it’s been November in my soul.
I spent the winter tying knots, spent the summer getting lost
’til I could not see the shore, and I was chasing fame and love,
turns out none of them’s enough, I do not want this any more, I do not want this any more.

‘cos none of this really matters, none of this really matters, none of this really matters any more

Well my fear once filled the skies like a Red-winged blackbird cry, but I’m done with that it seems.
Go ahead and light my funeral pyre, I’ve escaped more beds on fire than I have had sweet dreams.
And I used to duck a punch, drink myself no longer drunk, now I’m running down the clock.
And there’s a flag flying on my street, one of permanent defeat, but I do not give a fuck, no I do not give a fuck.

‘cos none of this really matters, none of this really matters, none of this really matters any more.

Well my country it’s gone mad and every way it turns out bad
tell me again what it is you think you’ve won?
And don’t sell me your cheap hope, I’ll take a length of good strong rope, it’ll serve me when time comes.
And we’ve drained the future dry and now we’re eyeing up the sky like there’s time to save the race,
yeah and there’s nothing left to steal, we’re pissing on the rear right wheel like we’re headed into space, like we’re headed into space.

And from the island to the hills, got my own white whale to kill, I’m still haunted by the ghost.
Yeah but I still hear the call, a Catskill Eagle in my soul, yeah and I got more than most,
yeah I got more than most, yeah I got more than most.

‘cos none of this really matters, none of this really matters, none of this really matters any more.

In a world on fire, a world on fire, in a world on fire, a world on fire

none of this really matters, none of this really matters, none of this really matters any more.
None of this really matters, none of this really matters, none of this really matters any more.

Comments

[rthstewart]

Devastating. Thank you. As the saying goes, all the feels, right in the gut. Your cuts are beautiful and how it all builds, to it all being dust at the end.

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you! I'm so glad it worked for you.

[fairestcat]

OW. That HURT to watch, but in the best possible way.

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you!

[purplefringe]

oh my GOD I was NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS /o\ (it’s breathtaking and beautiful and edited with all your wonderful deftness and now EVERYTHING HURTS)

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you! And also, sorry. :(

[schneefink]

Ouch. This is very good.

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you!

[ranalore]

It looks like possibly your feelings about IW and mine overlap? I don't want to presume, because my attitude toward the MCU is basically to strip it back to TWS and take BP and a few details from the other movies that have come out since TWS and leave the rest, which is an approach to canon that might be a bit extreme, but I feel like this vid gets not only Steve's canonical weariness and...I won't say bleakness, because I'm not sure Steve knows how to feel the kind of bleak defeat I personally feel about what Marvel has done with the franchise, but certainly I think even Steve has gotten ground down by the shit hand fate keeps dealing him, and keeps dealing him, and keeps dealing him. And I love how the vid shows how he, and we, can be reeled back in, because he can't give up on life and love and connections, and I personally, as much as I keep making the decision to not accept vast swathes of new source as my personal canon, keep going to partake of new source because I love these characters and I'm invested in their stories. And that's what makes the defeats and losses so devastating, and they build up over time.

As always, I love your choice of music, and your editing is amazing. Your choice of clips always feels so natural and perfect, though I can just imagine how much work goes on to get them that way. Really, a gorgeous, incisive, heartbreaking vid. It punched me in the feels, but in a way that makes me feel less alone with the post-IW snarl in my head and gut.

[kore]

I'm not sure Steve knows how to feel the kind of bleak defeat I personally feel about what Marvel has done with the franchise, but certainly I think even Steve has gotten ground down by the shit hand fate keeps dealing him, and keeps dealing him, and keeps dealing him. And I love how the vid shows how he, and we, can be reeled back in, because he can't give up on life and love and connections, and I personally, as much as I keep making the decision to not accept vast swathes of new source as my personal canon, keep going to partake of new source because I love these characters and I'm invested in their stories. And that's what makes the defeats and losses so devastating, and they build up over time

This is so well said, just, YES. "None of this really matters" -- not Steve's life but the defeat we just got handed in IW. Steve might be defeated even by the MCU canon but he's never going to quit.

[kaydeefalls]

Yeah, I have similar opinions about IW. While I've enjoyed the post-TWS films, my headcanon definitely diverges from that point (Civil War was mostly quite good, but I disagreed with a few of the character beats). IW was mostly just a frustrating disappointment to me. It had some great moments and character beats, and fun action sequences, tied together with some very shaky plot and forced rather than earned emotionalism. (I don't blame the Russos for this. I think it was an impossible task.) But yeah, I'm tired of the shitshow they've put Steve through, and I think so is he.

Thank you so much!

[kore]

I think they were really into the "who is Captain America when you strip him of everything and everyone he loves and his shield and also his underwear, is he still Captain America" thing, and....it just felt to me like they were kind of pounding on Steve after a point. (And then they pounded on everyone in Infinity War, and went after Thor in that way.) Which, to me, is not what the character is about, really. I loved it in Buffy when a similar thing happened and "everything's gone, what do you have left" and she answers "ME", but it doesn't look like that will happen for Steve. (Or maybe it might, who knows.)

(I'm kinda terrified they will kill Steve off in having him sacrifice everything to save the world, and he won't see Bucky or Sam or Nat or anyone again, and people might not even remember. But Infinity War burnt me out on what MCU might or might not do.)

[dhampyresa]

I like it!

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you!

[kore]

WOW, this is amazing. Gorgeously edited and heartbreaking song.

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you so much!

[umadoshi]

This is fantastic work. (And yay, Tom music!)

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you! I will always love Tom McRae, for vidding most of all.

[riotheclown]

wow

I am not deep into Marvel like so many of the commenters here but I do miss Agent Carter, the show. No idea why or where it went. :(

[kaydeefalls]

Thank you! (Aw, Agent Carter. I never did finish watching that show, I should go back to it. It deserved better.)

[fiercynn]

oh noooooo, friend, OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

D:

...okay, SLIGHTLY more coherently: all of this is heartbreaking, but especially that last thirty seconds, tying together those three distinct (but related) moments of loss and realignment in Steve's life so powerfully. I don't think I noticed, when I watched IW, how gingerly Steve touches the dust on the ground, and I definitely wouldn't have picked up how much it mirrors his face in Times Square, disoriented by the world he now has to live in. AUGH.

[kaydeefalls]

I'm so glad it worked for you! And, yeah, also sorry. ♥